WARNING: The following piece is filled with ten times your daily-recommended levels of sarcasm and irony.
Out of government in 2010 David Cameron said to ITN in regard to Jeff Hoon and Stephen Byers claims they could influence government policy for business that quote:
"Lets be clear about what's at steak here, these ministers were claiming that they changed government policy... this goes to the heart of the integrity of the government."
So this weekend we discovered something unpredictable... The conservative party; who have a cabinet compiled of millionaires and whose rank and file are the eternal zombie defenders of unearned privilege. Also seem happy take party donations from other rich folk in return for influence over public policy.
Weirdly, in return for these donations, the government grants business 'access' and, it would seem, in order to influence public policy in the interests of these very same businesses. I for one was shocked. None of us realised that when businesses and rich individuals contribute large sums of money, at their own personal detriment, they expect something in return... C'est pas possible?
In fairness to the conservatives, they have a very efficient system, replicated on the English football model. It seems to be called "the more fucking money you give us, the more we'll do for you, wink wink nudge nudge, system" or 'Premier league" as Peter Cruddas has now officially named it.
According to this genius system, the more money you give, the more access you gain to the party, the public policy circles, the PM and even his wife...(I found the wife part a bit weird, but I guess including Cameron's wife too is a cheeky little deal sweetner). With this access "you don't just gain access to the PM, you gain access to David Cameron, the man" (POSSIBLE TRANSLATION: Dave will be your friend and friends do favors for one another, whether it be lending a lawnmower or removing unwanted health and safety regulations for the private sector...potentially).
The worst thing about all this is it's so bloody clichéd. Can't politicians be a little bit more original when they put their slap on and act like corporate hookers? I bet they even sit there in a smoke filled room and cackle with cigars as they carve up national assets for privatizing. Stephen Byers was just too cheap and tacky when he called himself a "cab for hire", a rank amateur. The conservatives advertise themselves like luxury spars in Knightsbridge "We're not just corporate whores, we're Premier League corporate whores".
So my fellow people that routinely fill me with such despair, do you understand how serious this is? Our democracy is a sham. Your government, your current active government. Is taking donations from people seemingly in return for tacit agreements to change policy in their selfish business interests. They are buying your government, they are buying your country. They own you and consequently your freedom. The message it send's is only money influences this grotesque "democracy".
All Mr Cameron can muster in response whilst wearing his stupid sport relief shirt (Cameron "the philanthropist" edition) is: "obviously this is completely unacceptable"... Like a parent that finds the blue Play Doh in the red Play Doh box. What a patheticly predictable PR response by the PR man. Yes Dave, clearly the cooption of our government by big business is unacceptable, it's worse than that, it's called a slow motion corporate coup d'etat.
But, of course, Dave knew nothing about it all, he's clueless... Even though his senior colleague Peter Cruddas is selling his "premier league" product like a hackney market trader, based on the premise that clients (sorry donors) will meet and have dinner with him... Even though he's in charge of our nation. Even though he's in charge of a party who are selling these premier league products. Clearly he didn't have a clue what was going down...
Hyperbolic talk of Fascism is thrown around like popcorn at a cinema. However let's remind ourselves of what fascism actually is: An authoritarian country, which is run by and for the interests of big business. Clearly we have nothing to fear then....
So, since 1979 and before, the UK population have been sitting in a pan of water like a mass of frogs that don't have the slightest awareness they are being slowly boiled alive. As they begin to realize their fate (that they are economically and democratically dying) they continue definatly in denial shouting " we live in a democracy...WW2...Churchill: 'we'll fight them on the beaches...Magna Carta....fish and chiiips!!".
The truth is nobody has democracy in a country so unequal. Money buys power, a deferential culture to those with that power and directly buys public policy. Corporations own Britain. It's been an incremental, insidious transition of power. This latest grotesque "premier league" spectacle is merely a crude manifestation of it. The net result is growing poverty, inequality, horrific social mobility, social unrest, stagnated wages for over 30 years and businesses controlling more and more of our lives.
This isn't another case of "they're all the same" politicians. Instead ask yourself the question"'if I don't live in a democratic country, what do I live in?"
The answer I hope will disturb you, it begins P and ends Lutocracy. Is this what the conservatives refer to when they claim they're "unashamedly pro business"? Clearly.