02/08/2013 14:15 BST | Updated 02/10/2013 06:12 BST

The Battle of the Stay-at-Home Mums Versus Working Mums


I have been doing quite a bit of work recently on issues regarding 'stay at home mums' or SAHMs as they endearingly like to be called, versus working mums, who like to be called productive.

I am struck that no matter what the issue, no matter how inert or economically sound in its presentation, SAHMs and working mums will fight about it.

It is a classic case of good versus evil, right versus wrong.

SAHMs are resplendent in the sacrifice they have made - a good emotion. They wear it like a badge of honour and proffer it up at the altar of Mumsnet awaiting the oestrogen-fuelled wave of adulation which duly follows.

Conversely most working mums are plagued by guilt - a dark emotion, an emotion that rears up like an ugly thing in lonely hotel rooms, on crowded commutes and being back later than you promised.

Re-balancing these books is power.

The power of being self sufficient and able to provide no matter what might happen. The power of being able to do things as a family that otherwise you might not. The power of being needed for what's in your head, for your thoughts, your opinions.

By contrast SAHMs seem powerless, unable to fulfill the ambitions they harboured for themselves and the self actualization that tops off Maslow's sense of how we are fulfilled.

The only way SAHMs achieve power is in mob format; gaggling together like herds of beasties, or throngs of Twittering crows, furiously swearing away on internet forums about diets, baby blues and boredom.

They sign up and join in a vendetta to put down, suffocate all that is strong in the woman with the suit and self-assurance.

I am certain which group I would rather belong to. I am certain the two groups will never agree. And I am sure that the current climate will continue to persuade many more SAHMs to come over to the dark side and enjoy the power that it brings.