The Impact Alopecia Areata Had On My Self-Esteem

24/08/2017 16:45 BST | Updated 24/08/2017 16:46 BST

If You Want To Soar In Life You Must First Learn To F.L.Y (First Love Yourself)

I never realised how much hair could impact someones life, because when you see someone who's lost their hair It's always a different feeling compared to actually experiencing it yourself. Only a few people knew about my alopecia, because I was too scared to tell anyone, I thought my friends would look at me different or treat me in a different way. It was one of those situations where you tell someone something so close to your heart and leave yourself so open that you were scared they would tell anyone else or use it against you. But if it wasn't for my girls and my mum always on the lookout to see if my wig was sliding backwards or trying to make me an imaginary hairline I wouldn't have felt so confident in myself as I do now.

Even when they would tell me, 'Don't worry Leynna your hair will grow back', in my head I would picture myself as Pocahontas with the wind blowing through my hair and actually being able to run my fingers through it, but unfortunately it never grew back. I'm 20 years old now and still struggling to grow that little afro that I was born with as a baby. Still going back and forth from the hospital from being prescribed tablets to having Minoxidil injections in my scalp, but sometimes you have to get to the point in life where you have to say to yourself, things could have been ten times worse.

Grow Through What You Go Through

I experienced so many different emotions from the first time my hair fell out and even now when I look in the mirror; grief, frustration and a sense of emptiness. I began to envy the times when my hair used to get tangled in a brush or being temporarily blind when the shampoo would run into my eyes, but life changing experiences like this teach you to love yourself no matter what. Learning to love myself has been hard, however nowhere near as hard as it was when I was younger. I find it so much easier to tell people about what I go through, because we all know someone that is going through the same thing who needs help to get through it themselves.

It's Just Hair

This phrase right here can seem so meaningless to you but to me it's such a big statement. 'It's Just Hair' Isn't 'just hair' to me, it's a reflection of my personality and who I am. The society that we live in today can sometimes make it hard to try and be confident in yourself when everyone is so ready to mock each other's flaws and turn it into a meme. There's been countless times where I've seen a hair stylist making women with hair loss feel gorgeous and all it takes is for you to read the comments, which helps to draw a line on being attractive or not.

However, with that being said, society has also played a major part in helping me to accept who I am despite my flaws. For example when I received my very first synthetic wig from the NHS I felt so different to everyone else around me, because it was so obvious that I was wearing one. But now I hardly know anyone who doesn't own a wig and most of them still have a full head of hair underneath and for me that gave me a sense of relief, because I felt like I didn't have to give an explanation as to why I was wearing one - the most I would get was 'I love your wig where did you get it from?'

Happy Girls Are The Prettiest

Self confidence is such a powerful asset to have, because it can pick you up when you're feeling down, make you feel like a million pounds in that £8 dress that you brought from Prettylittlething and can really be the difference from you having a great day or the worst day of your life. No one is perfect and I think more of us need to understand that, there are things that are going to happen in life that you have no control over, but that doesn't mean that It Is the end of the world.

It's easier said than done. Having a positive mindset can help ease so much stress and stopping you from losing your hair from being too stressed as well. God has a plan and even If you don't have the ability to understand why it's happened, just go with it. If my hair never fell out then I would probably be complaining about something else on my body or not appreciating how much I'm worth.

I am my problem and also my solution and no matter what anyone says this is me and I love it!