I hate my face, my hair, my features. Yet, they also fascinate me - these expressions, which belong to the person in the mirror: so much more mysterious than the faces I encounter everyday. For, reflected in my eyes I see: a search for the answer to that eternal conundrum--what will you be when you grow up?
My very first selfie was a drawing, a portrait of myself as a teenager. I continued capturing myself on paper until those vague outlines petered out--to be replaced by a search for acceptance in the world's appreciation of me. Perhaps this is what was called growing up?
I thought I had moved on, until technology brought it all back in reverse focus: to my self. And, now that these pictures I take of my reflection have been officially recognised as an art form, it's made taking self-portraits even more weirdly appealing.
It's only fitting then, that I end the last day of the year of the selfie with ten thoughts that cross my mind when I click the shutter. Here they are:
1. Why do I look better in my selfie, than the pictures you take of me?
2. Not this way - that: THAT is my best profile.
3. Am I not more natural when I pose with myself?
4. Can I snap these, those most intimate parts of me--which I would not reveal even to myself but I would to a mirror?
5. For, I am so cool.... And, you can't touch me.
6. Did you see, what I just saw in my selfie?
7. All the better to feed my Instagram with...
8. Keep it running! Snap... snap... snap... Ah! This one works, perhaps?
9. Does this lipstick colour go better with the black dress? What do you think? Ping me back on my selfie.
10. ... But I do look younger than my years, don't I?
11. Do I want you in my selfie? No, not you. Perhaps you, there? No, not really.
I am bored, so I selfie--looking for that which lies just below the surface: perhaps an epiphany? To thine own #selfie be true then.
You bored too? Tell me why you selfie?
Thanks to Sonia Ducie, Pooja Vir, Prateeksha Vir and Ashanti OMkar for sharing their thoughts on selfies, which helped me with this piece.