31/05/2013 05:53 BST | Updated 30/07/2013 06:12 BST

Fairweather Feminists


Holy crap. If I had a goat Daily Fail writer Angela Epstein most definitely would have taken off with it last night after watching her shambolic and irritating performance on Channel 4's Ten O'Clock Live.

Managing to single handedly piss off all feminists simultaneously (I'm guessing), Angela opened fire on 'stubborn' and 'grumpy' feminists who she claims have done feminism a disservice.

Angela is exactly the type of woman I loathe. A feminist only when she decides the movement is attractive to men, she puts down real feminists (the ones she refers to as militant) for two reasons - one: because she believes it makes her seem even more dainty and girly when distancing herself from bad clothes wearing, man-hating feminists and two: is a reaction motivated by guilt and envy because she is a closet 'proper' feminist without the guts to reveal her true self for fear of rejection.

Women like Angela monitor their feminist behaviours scrupulously. If it is fashionable they will be the loudest chanters but once it is thought somewhat outdated, their voices turn to little more than a whimper.

And what sex determines whether feminism is in vogue or a bit naff to women like Angela? You guessed it.

Behind every thought, every movement, every flick of the mascara brush or career defining decision, there is always one question they will ask themselves - what will men think?

Being a little bit of a feminist is okay. You won't compromise your femininity, men will find you attractive and women will like you. But cross the line in becoming a full blown feminist and all of a sudden a metamorphosis occurs. Your hair resembles straw, your skin becomes wrinkled and starts to decay and your fashionable clothes disappear.

My high heels, mulberry handbag and pink cherry lips say bollocks to that.

And who perpetuates this myth that feminists are all ugly, aggressive women who refuse to wax? Enter stage left, Angela.

Fellow journalist Laurie Penny had the pleasure of sitting alongside Angela on the panel hosted by funnyman David Mitchell. When disagreeing with Laurie she pre-empted her argument with the question: 'You aren't going to hit me are you?" while cowering at the same time. It was such a contrived move that I almost lost my shit altogether.

Back up a bit here Angela and let's break it down (hard not to sound like an 80s rapper here) - you are asking a rational, professional woman who has not raised her voice once never mind her fists and is engaging in a LIVE television debate whether or not she is going to commit an assault?

Are you saying you are scared by Laurie? Are you saying she has/could be violent? Such a flippant but calculated question was left hanging as the debate rumbled on.

Of course Laurie wasn't about to lamp her one (more's the pity) but the suggestion it may happen was Angela's way of distancing herself from Laurie & co ie 'militant' feminists - whoever they are - never mind who's character she tramples on to do so.

In asking that question, she screamed to all male viewers 'I'm not like her. I need protection.'

It seems being a feminist stops women from being free-thinking, intelligent, passionate, talented, rational and attractive human beings. The alternative is just too intimidating a thought for the likes of Angela Epstein.