11/10/2013 10:03 BST | Updated 23/01/2014 18:58 GMT

News Punch: Bridget Jones' Del Boy

Sometimes a story comes along that just screams out to be given the News Punch treatment and a cock up at the printers which led to copies of the new Bridget Jones novel, Mad About the Boy being peppered with anecdotes from David Jason's biography, My Life is like the Holy Grail for humorists, the Lost Ark of lampoons, the fiver down the side of the sofa of satire. News Punch likes to strike while the iron's hot so without further ado, on with the punchlines.

David Jason's biography's been mixed up with Bridget Jones' Diary...

@BadScentsHumour: ...its what mum would have read on her deathbed...

@mattfishwick: At least this explains why Bridget loves a good plonker.

@Adam_Leedham: Bridget cried with laughter seeing Rodney's reaction to Darcy falling through the bar, after shooting himself with granddad's gun

@DannyGarr: Police are looking for a market trader in a yellow Robin Reliant.

This unique event prompted some potential titles for the mother of all mashups:

@TheSecretStream:Mad About The Delboy - Bridget Jones's Diary Goes Plonker Cushtie.

@BadScentsHumour: Bridget Jones: Edge of Peckham.

And now, we are proud to announce that News Punch has managed to obtain exclusive extracts from the book:


Del Trotter - Monday: Met Bridget. She has lovely jublees.

Bridget Jones - Monday: Some chap in a sheepskin coat and red braces is staring at my breasts. My life officially sucks.

@SandyFootwells: (1)(2)(3)(4)

Saturday: Ugh. Had too many Chardonnays at lunchtime, ended up falling nonchalantly through the open bar top. I got a big laugh.

Gosh, I was sure I had my big pants on, but everyone saw Uncle Albert's beard sticking out all over the place.

Of course, this was long after I did Porridge for the death of my beloved Darcy. I cling to those happy memories, just me and the big fella running along dressed as Batman and Robin.

And now, new to News Punch, the caption competition. The BBC announced this week that they may have recovered several lost Doctor Who episodes. The contest was tightly fought but the winner is @Diversion50 with:

Science Museum London / Foter / CC BY-NC-ND

"I could have sworn I left my penis beaker back here..."

You can view the other entrants here:

@1970RobD, @GI1970, @DannyGarr

More News Punch soon.

*Some tweets have been edited to suit the article or to correct errors etc. Original tweets can be viewed by clicking on the @ names or the numbered links in the cast of sketches.