08/01/2016 06:21 GMT | Updated 06/01/2017 05:12 GMT

America is Saved


I admit - I love America. I love the country, the people, the diversity, the food, the craziness. I know it has its faults but in general I love it.

Except for one major thing. Guns. The country is a mess over this. If it wasn't so tragic it would be laughable. The whole thing has become a farce and I want to add my bit of nonsense to the subject.

Barak Obama is finally going to act and try to do something about gun control across the US. About time too, but I fear it will be a false dawn again due to the difficulties he will face.

It is a ludicrous situation. He says that he "can't just sit around and do nothing" any more due to the "letters he has received from parents, teachers etc", yet he is almost powerless. This is due to the power of Congress and the influence that minor states yield who want to uphold the second amendment and maintain the right to bear arms. There is also the farce that is the influence of the National Rifle Association (NRA) who seem able to control the government with regards to gun policy.

Now let's look at some facts.

The second amendment was ratified in 1791. It states "A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed". It hardly even makes literary sense but, also, note some things within it. A Militia - i.e. a military organisation, not Joe Public who lives in suburbia, or a disgruntled student. "Bear arms" - technically by definition (on that means they can carry arms but not actually have permission to use them!

It was also written to safeguard against the Federal Government at the time, who were an opposing militia, not for people to shoot each other over an argument or if they are feeling marginalised by a part of society.

In short, the second amendment has no relevance to modern life but it still remains in place and is being interpreted so that people can keep their weapons. Unfortunately, it is very difficult to argue against as it is written in law and it does give people a constitutional right.

So legally it may be correct, but is it morally correct? No. Absolutely not. The statistics alone speak for themselves. Add to that the emotional turmoil that is caused by gun deaths in the US and there is no sane argument in favour. Although, I am not a lawyer and there are people with far bigger brains than me and with legal knowledge that would be able to rubbish my arguments.

However, it is still unlikely that President Obama will succeed in his latest quest.

Fear not, I have a solution. Instead of trying to ban guns or put stricter controls on them, follow my simple plan.

Ban bullets.

As far as I can see, it is flawless.

I have conducted some research into this. The dictionary definition of "arms" is essentially "weapons". A bullet is not a weapon, it is a projectile that is fired from a weapon. Therefore, in banning bullets there are no constitutional rights being infringed but it is still rendering the weapon a non-killing device. There is a National Bullet Association but it has no power compared to the NRA therefore will hold no power in Congress, and from what I can see, the NRA has no policy on ammunition.

People can keep as many weapons as they want - pistols, assault rifles, machine guns, anything they can lay their hands on, but they will not be allowed to fire anything out of them. It will save thousands of lives and the make the country a far safer place.

If people still want to have guns and run around the countryside with them, they still can. They can live out their frustrated dreams of being in the military or being a super-hunter, they can even carry a weapon on them on show at all times if it makes them feel better, but they will cause no damage.

A brilliant aside to this is the vision of some nutter dressed in camouflage running around and having to make gun noises so that he feels he is using his weapon. Bang! Rat-a-tat-tat! Uh-hu-hu-hu-hu-hu-hu-hu! They could even have those material signs that unravel under the barrel saying "BANG!" - I would give that as a concession too. It would be hilarious to see these people reduced to behaving and sounding like the idiots they so clearly are.

So there you are, America. A gift from a fan across the pond. Ban bullets and all will be well. You are saved, and you are welcome!