There have been several points in my life where feminism has necessitated I reassess my priorities. Like someone who's been forced to watch how sausages are made, I've found myself struggling to enjoy hip-hop in the same way since realising that, "tell that bitch, hop up on my dick... told her suck a dick, motorboat her tits" is hardly tantamount to The Feminine Mystique. Beyond wondering if A$AP Rocky kisses his mother with that mouth, I've found that's it's hard to innocently enjoy something I used to love, after realising it's intrinsically linked to the degradation of women.
The same goes for porn. Having spent most of my formative years getting riled up over the fact that my ovaries reduce my pay packet in comparison to my male peers, it's hard to get turned on watching something which is grounded in the idea that women exist for the sexual gratification of men. However, as much as I'd like to claim that I selflessly stopped watching porn because I'm a committed feminist, that's not strictly true. My reluctant resignation from frequenting Pornhub was mainly spurred on by the fact that I can't come watching a video where the women involved aren't even doing so themselves. What's more, it's always been an uphill struggle trying to climax watching videos in which every woman pretending to enjoy getting semen in her hair is skinnier and more groomed than I will ever be.
The majority of the porn I've watched involved the systematic degradation of women, in videos that conveniently tended to last the exact amount of time it takes for a guy to cum. Now don't think that my dramatic turn away from Pornhub, YouPorn and RedTube was a result of me not trying hard enough to find something suitably 'woman-friendly' - believe me, I've tried. I couldn't count the number of nights I've hopefully clicked the 'female friendly' tab, only to be met with yet more porn made my men with no idea what gets a girl going.
The Internet is the place where every fetish can be indulged. There is literally something for everyone, with the exception of a horny feminist trying to get her fix. When it's easier to come across bukkake videos than a woman genuinely having an orgasm, you know there's a niche market to tap into. This is why I was overjoyed when I found out that a new feminist porn site is in the pipeline, one that features 'real' women in videos that have to get passed by a test panel before being featured on the site. Bolt the doors, light the scented candles and throw on some Marvin Gaye, I've got it from here.
However, as was the case with my turbulent relationship with Drake, I still struggled to reconcile the idea of feminism and porn ever meeting in the same room. 'Feminist' porn sounds great, but it also sounds like a total paradox. I couldn't help but question how an industry so deeply rooted in the exploitation and degradation of women could ever produce something even mildly resembling 'woman-friendly' porn. I'd previously just accepted that porn would always involve women being treated as objects, regardless of how it tries to market itself.
Like a mirage in a desert of double-penetration, I assumed 'feminist' porn could never really exist. Having been let down by 'woman-friendly' porn on mainstream sites one too many times, it's hard not to assume that 'feminist' porn would just resemble another man's idea of what women find sexy. But if Karren Brady can smash the glass ceiling of English football chairmanship, then why should I continue to accept the parameters of pornography set by men? Why can't porn genuinely reflect women's preferences? Perhaps porn is the new frontier in the feminist revolution.
It's certainly true that porn echoes many negative gender stereotypes. More women may be making their presence felt in the country's boardrooms, but female sexuality is still widely dismissed, whilst male sexuality even confronts us in Pot Noodle adverts. This is why the increased demand for porn is something to be celebrated - it acknowledges female sexual desires and provides an expression of female sexuality. That's why I will welcome the arrival of 'feminist' porn like the first day of spring - it recognises the increased demand for something more woman-centric, it celebrates female sexuality and it signifies a further sea-change in our willingness to accept the degradation of women at every turn. Sisters can now, well and truly, do it for themselves.