26/09/2013 10:49 BST | Updated 25/11/2013 05:12 GMT

Why Animated Food Is Better Than Real Food

As an ex obese but still passionate food lover, I enjoyed nothing more than watching films or tv whilst eating. This would usually take place in conjunction with what was happening on screen - one large fresh cheesy pizza during Home Alone, or making crackers and cheese ready to eat during A Muppets Christmas Carol when Scrooge (Michael Caine) sits down to eat them before the Marley's arrive (NB - he never actually gets to eat the crackers, this is an act I fulfil for the character).

But there was something about animated food that was just even more extra delicious looking - probably based on the fact I could never eat or recreate what I was watching on screen. Animated food looks perfect.

Here are my top 5 animated foods from film and tv:

1) Rice cakes in Pokémon. Not only were these so exotic looking but the way in which Ash and his Poké mates would demolish these added a primal need and desire to eat one. Many kids wanted a Pokémon when I was younger. I just wanted a rice cake. I know I could find one in real life but I doubt it would live up to expectations.


2) The porridge in Disney's Beauty and the Beast. I would so eat it the way the Beast does too. When the fat little sugar bowl adds that last spoon of sugar it just looks perfect. I used to model my wheat-a-bix on this, cold milk and way too much sugar (thinking of the obscene amount I would add makes my teeth hurt now). Screw the array of food shown off in Be Our Guest. "Try the grey stuff it's delicious" - f**k that - it looked the most disgusting thing in the film, I'll stick with my porridge.


3) Crème de la Crème à la Edgar. In Aristocats a mouse named Roquefort shares what is probably the fittest looking creamy milky treat in the world. There's an online recipe floating about that I'll have to recreate. If we look over the fact that this drink hides a lethal amount of sleeping tablets that should have probably killed three kittens and a tiny mouse, then grab your biscuit and start dunking!


4) The pizza scene in All Dogs Go To Heaven. If you haven't seen this film and don't know the reference - go watch it now. If we ignore the homeless puppies that are probably riddled with disease - and a fat one that clearly needs no extra pizza - then this beats the afore mentioned Home Alone pizza hands down. Look at the way the pizza sags in its own taste below.


5) Perhaps my most coveted childhood animated food memory is from Sword in the Stone. When Kay sucks the meat right off the bone of that (assumedly) roast chicken. No bits of fat, no gristle - just fall off the bone meat. I give it the animated version of a Michelin star. Even the way he derisively calls to Arthur (or "wart" as he is better known by these abusive men) makes me want to eat it, as the delicious food stops him from fully calling his name properly. I still pick up a drumstick with the naive hope it will be the same. But as Fantine would sing "there are dreams that cannot be".