31/01/2012 07:43 GMT | Updated 01/04/2012 06:12 BST

Tales From the Middle of Nowhere (Vol.2) - Tuna Hurling and Australian Country Music

MELBOURNE (31/01/12):


Well... So? I've become addicted to watching the Aussie news. It's beyond hilarious.

Honestly, it's like a spoof show - AUSSIE NEWS (MATE). Someone should do that, it'd be mega. I'd watch it anyway.

After the ludicrous episode with the PM's shoe these are just a couple of things that I've caught in between gigs and promo...

THE AUSSIE COUNTRY MUSIC AWARDS!!! Yes, indeed. They've invented a new musical genre. Aussie Country. So I'm watching the news and they go to the Aussie Country Awards (The Golden Guitars) where they're interviewing some of the winners of the said Golden Guitars...

They were singing like Country, y'all, but talking Aussie (mate). Dressed like proper honest-to-goodness cowboys. 40 gallon hats, leather waistcoats and the boots, but using words like "ripper" and "beady"... Very odd, no???

Now the other thing was maybe the weirdest thing I've ever seen on national television news. So much so that when I got down to the Big Day Out site I had to ask a few of the natives for confirmation of what I thought I'd just seen. And they confirmed it like it was the most natural thing in the world, which of course it is to these people. THE ANNUAL TUNA-RAMA FESTIVAL!!! A festival that celebrates all things wonderful about tuna... TUNA??? That's right, tuna... The tuna fish.

Now, there was the (un)usual local news b-roll fodder; interviewing mums, grannies and kids... All having a ripper of a day eating tuna sandwiches and tuna salad and... Well, that was it one would've thought? But no... At the climax of the festival they play a little game called tuna-hurling... TUNA-HURLING!!! That's right, I watched (checking frantically if I'd been spiked) as big burly Bruces and little burly Shielas and even a granny took a foot long tuna fish... a real fucking tuna fish and swung it round like an Olympic athlete throwing the hammer up a pre-marked out track???

And they covered it on the news like it was just a load of drunk people in a field throwing a dead fish around for fun... Which, of course, it was.

The scary thing is those were just two of the things I caught. (There was another story with a guy graphically describing how he'd been trying to get two different kinds of dung beetles to mate to make one super dung fucking ninja warrior but, we won't go into that...)

What else is going on while I'm away from the TV??? I might have to start getting this shit recorded and shipped to England once a month, it's essential viewing.

Anyway, enough of that brilliant nonsense.

The gig was good. We were indoors in a tent. It was very, very hot. Seemed to be a bit of a fancy dress vibe down the front. I saw a pirate and a cowboy. We didn't play very well. No one seemed to mind though.

Kasabian were having one of their legendary parties at some club or other down town. Last men standing were me and Serge at 5am. A good shift. As we left it was starting to get light... and fuck me if it didn't start to ever-so-slightly rain... I didn't know whether to laugh or cry so I did neither... I passed out.

Still raining now.



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