Nobody Wants to Be Alone for Christmas

22/12/2011 00:02 GMT | Updated 20/02/2012 10:12 GMT

I don't know what it is with elderly relatives and their obsession with your (lack of) love life? Even when I am seeing someone I'm not one to tell the world. I'm not a pointless celebrity so nobody really cares. Why should they? Plus relationships are private, intimate and its rare you meet someone you have that instant spark with and don't want to pretend you're a lesbian so they leave you alone.

Everybody feels the need to have a boyfriend/girlfriend. And if you're single your friends take pity on you like you're an abandoned cat in an alley on a cold winter's night. "You should be with someone now!" they'll exclaim with doe eyes. They'll make extra effort to invite you on nights out as a welcomed third wheel. And, "Aw Christmas is romantic". Is it really?! I can see the point of staying in bed on cold days, snowball fights, buying a first present and snowy walks hand in hand. But what's romantic about falling flat on your arse in the snow?

Over-priced and unwanted gifts. Why Christmas? Why isn't Easter considered romantic? Or Halloween? Don't get me wrong. I LOVE romance. I do. We all do, it's not just a woman thing either. I have guy friends who love being spoilt and doing the spoiling. Just keep it subtle. But needing a boyfriend, usually just settling for anyone, is slightly desperate.

We all know people who beg on social networks about their single status and how bored of it they are. Maybe if they weren't such whiney little sh*ts they would be in a relationship and we also know those 'been in a relationship a day but I love my baby' people. It's frustrating. It's not cynicism.

A single girl isn't necessarily a lonely girl. Same as people in relationships aren't always happy.

Don't get me wrong, I do look forward to arguing with a boyfriend's parents over the right way to cook stuffing (oven, not microwave), laughing at "I'm a breast man" jokes when carving the turkey. But people, old people, need to stop assuming single people are crying into boxes of Milk Tray and listening to Westlife. (I am actually, but for nostalgic happy reasons). Bridget Jones got her man eventually but she was equally okay on her own, right?

Don't broadcast the fact you are single. Especially if it's recent. But don't palm people off with the "I'm fine" excuse. Just keep your head high. If you're known as the 'single friend' then go along with it, just for a few parties. All your coupled up friends buying you drinks, what's to moan about? Just don't breakdown at 4am screaming that nobody loves you; do not lose front. These holidays are all about pride, turkey and stuffing sandwiches and Jesus somebody.

To end this, just a quick message to those coupled up; remember, a relationship is for life, not just for Christmas. And don't use the cold as an excuse to stay inside having unprotected sex. The world is already over-populated.

Happy Easter. Over and out.