I know you are hurting, but everything is going to be okay.
I promise.
Your world has been flipped upside down. You feel completely out of control and the sadness and agony is probably like nothing you have ever experienced. What makes this situation more difficult is the fact that it's not just two people who have split, it's a family.
I get it.
Life as you know it has changed and I imagine you are feeling lost and anxious for the future. You can't stop going over and over situations and questions run through your mind. It's all-consuming and overwhelming.
Why?
How could they do this?
What am I going to do?
What if we tried harder?
Are we doing the right thing?
What will everyone think/say?
Will my child be damaged?
Was I not the best partner?
Am I not good enough?
How will I ever move on?
The list goes on and on.
The relationship could have been fantastic, on the other hand you may admit that it was absolutely terrible. Although breaking up may have been for the best, the pain is still the same and please remember you are fully entitled to grieve. Yes, you have children and have to stay strong but it is also important you fully embrace all these emotions you are going through.
You will have good days and bad days. Some mornings you'll wake up feeling positive, motivated and your loved ones and even yourself will be surprised at how well you are coping. Other mornings you may not want to get out of bed at all.
Time is a healer and I know this may sound totally cliche, but it's true. You are going to come out of this a stronger, better person and better times are just around the corner.
You are not a failure.
I understand we are all different and I don't personally know your situation but I have rounded up a few tips I believe are so important to help you through this tough time.
- Take it a day at a time.
- Remember, as I'm sure you already do, that your child/children are the most important factors in all of this.
- Accept help, talk to others and surround yourself with supportive family and friends. They want to be there for you.
- It can be hard not to be spiteful and bitter when you are hurt, but this never helps. When you have a child together it is so important to maintain some kind of civil relationship with your ex partner. It may seem impossible but you need to cut the negativity and forgive if needed, not for them, but for your soul. If your efforts don't work, you'll always know that you tried and were the bigger person.
- Remember that difficulty leads to opportunity. Make the most of a bad situation by turning it into a positive. Look after yourself, concentrate on being the best parent you can be, work harder in your job, make plans and think about your dreams and aspirations you maybe didn't achieve while in your relationship. This is your time to shine.
- Take your mind off things by making changes such as redecorating a room, moving furniture around, having a huge de-cluttering session, starting a new hobby or even book yourself into the salon to change your hairstyle. You will feel better.
You might think as a single parent your dating life is over, but listen to me when I tell you that you CAN eventually move on and someone perfect is out there waiting for you. It could be months or years but when you're ready to move on, make sure it's with somebody as special and deserving as you are and don't settle for any less.
I am truly sorry you are struggling at the moment. We have an idealistic life pictured in our minds - falling in love, starting a family and living happily ever after. For some of us, it's not so straightforward, it is painful to comprehend but that doesn't mean you won't find your happily ever after in other ways.
Stay strong and remember how truly amazing you are. We are parents and we can get through anything.
Roxanne x