22/07/2015 13:51 BST | Updated 22/07/2016 06:59 BST

On Glastonbury

I had the Glastonbury experience a few weeks ago for the first time. I can check that one off my bucket list. No one told me to bring wellies; I thought - it's summer, why would it rain? I ended up impacted in mud having to beg passers-by to help me lift my feet. I finally abandoned the shoes and sloshed my way to the tent of transvestites at about two in the morning. I'm here to report they're now far more beautiful than ever before; the surgery has been perfected; take Pamela Anderson in her heyday and give her a sense of humour.

I also went to see a show called Through the Looking Glass. (I have a nose for the bizarre). When I got there I was told by a man who was dressed as a stop- watch that the show was starting at 8pm and it was not to be missed and would change my life. At eight I dragged about ten people with me to see the show. We waited two hours and then were informed by the stopwatch that the actor's were still on acid and hadn't come down yet so could we come back at midnight. I completely understood, being a thesp. myself. I went back later and yes it was worth it, I was pushed down a rabbit hole made of newspaper and chicken wire and was greeted by a caterpillar who was still high but completely in character. He led me to a door with a mirror on it and pushed me in. I was in a small clothes closet alone with the mad hatter and the Queen of Hearts; given tequila to drink from a thimble and then made to sing children's songs where I had to buzz like a bee. The Queen for no reason sang songs from Cabaret straight into my face with such intensity we both wept. I loved it.

I was at the festival to do my show and in exchange I got two free nights in a yurt. I don't like the sound of yurt, it sounds like some kind of yeast infection. I also didn't realize yurts don't come with loos - they're just a circle of canvas with a mat. At about three am, and here's where the magic of Glastonbury left me, I needed a loo and there was none in sight. P.S. it was raining... hard. Being an adept camper I decided to use the lantern next to the mat. I expected the base to be solid but no such luck. I won't discuss the details because I'm still traumatized. If it wasn't for the healing fields I wouldn't have lasted another day; there I was pummelled, feathered, blown on and, in one tent, had a sound bath where someone gonged a gong over me and then played a didgeridoo for an hour; that was a real relaxer.


The next day I met the Dalai Lama again after meeting him in Sydney two weeks earlier (I think it's Kismet). It's incredible that even with all those bodyguards and cameras clicking away at him, he remains calm. When you meet him, he takes your hands and looks straight into your eyes and it feels like his calmness passes into you. What really impressed me was that he has absolutely no wrinkles. He was eighty years old that day and I looked like an elephant in HD next to him. Most of all I felt he was present; not worrying about the past or future even though he has an extreme amount of problems to worry about. Imagine being able to live in the present? Next time you go on holiday you won't have to watch videos to remember it all. But no wrinkles - go figure. if that's not a reason to meditate, nothing is.