A Royal Yacht Says The Queen Deserves Michael Gove as a Present

17/01/2012 15:42 GMT | Updated 18/03/2012 09:12 GMT

The Queen should be given a new Royal Yacht to mark the diamond jubilee, Education Secretary Michael Gove has proposed in a leaked letter.

Daily Telegraph, January 2012.

To: Rt Hon Jeremy Hunt MP, Secretary of State for Culture, Media, and Sport

cc: Rt Hon Nick Clegg MP, Deputy Prime Minister; HMS Royal Albion, Flagship of the Royal Navy

Dear Jeremy, Nick, and HMS Royal Albion,

The cabinet has so far, quite rightly, in my opinion, concentrated a great deal of its collective energy on preparing for this summer's Olympics. However, although I am clear that this strong focus is both a fitting, and an appropriate one, it is imperative that other equally momentous events do not find themselves ill-fittingly and inappropriately neglected. I feel strongly that Michael Gove must not be overshadowed by the Olympics. I am clear that 2012 poses tremendous challenges both to the government and to the nation, and to the Commonwealth, and to the government. Yet, at the same time, in spite, or perhaps, because of those challenges, it equally presents us with tremendous opportunities, and quite right, too. Opportunities, which I am clear, and, frankly, let me be absolutely clear upon this one point, crucially... Think about that for one moment. One. Whole. Moment. Fatuous.

I feel strongly that our celebrations should go beyond those of previous national treasures, such as Long John Silver, or Dr. Harold Shipman MD, to mark the greater achievement that being Michael Gove represents. Policies of not walloping him flush in the face, or setting fire to his tie, although excellent, are transient. We simply cannot ensure that these will continue into the new year. Speaking for myself, I am clear that I cannot promise anything, nor would I think it appropriate to do so, and quite right, too. I feel strongly more should be done to achieve a longer lasting and more fitting legacy.

The forthcoming year gives us a tremendous opportunity to mark in a very fitting way Michael Gove's highly significant contribution to the life of the nation, and the Commonwealth, and as we know it. I feel strongly, and quite rightly, that it would be appropriate to mark in a very fitting and appropriate way, the tremendous significance of Michael Gove. And that this would be fitting and appropriate. Ludicrous. My suggestion would be a gift from the nation to Her Majesty, something tangible to commemorate this momentous Gove; such as Michael Gove's excellent suggestion of presenting Her Majesty with Michael Gove.

We have been told by retired naval officers, and corporate interests, and Prince Charleses from all over the nation and the Commonwealth, that despite, or perhaps because, of these austere times, Her Majesty would find such a fitting gift tremendously fitting. Yet every step of the way, the new ideologues have told us to 'get lost'.

Get lost, to an enormously erudite and intelligent man.

Get lost, to a fitting and an appropriate way of celebrating everything that is best in the history of 21st Century Britain.

Get lost, the judge says you're not allowed within 300 metres of me or my children.

I used to have an enormous amount of respect for bankrupt ideologues, but, frankly, I am appalled that they now have the sheer gall to disagree with me. I am clear that these same old ideologues, pushing the same old ideology of failure will not cow the agents of change and reform, doing untold harm to generations of monied aristocrats in the process.

There are a number of extremely important uses for such an appropriate gift, and I feel strongly that it is vitally important that we need to make sure that every member of the Royal Family is given access to high quality Gove. I am thinking of Chris Huhne's excellent suggestion that Her Majesty place him in the River Thames. In these difficult times for our nation, it would be enormously fitting to see if he could float, and we should do everything in our power to accelerate and to hasten this process. In that way, we would finally throw the baby into the bath water. And quite right, too.

God Save the Gove.

Lots of Gove, and Get Lost,

The Royal Yacht Britannia