The challenge that many of us face when we come out of a long relationship is that it takes time to heal and move on with our lives. We spend many months going over what happened in our minds and analysing the outcome. The pain of the break-up can last for a long time and sometimes it can seem as if it will never fully leave us.
Often our self confidence and self esteem are damaged and we are left wondering if we will ever hear those three words again "I love you" or even if we will ever utter them ourselves. We wonder what is wrong with us and why it didn't work out as we had hoped.
Often this leads to negative emotions spiralling out of control which can have a huge impact on our health, careers and family.
We all cope differently and I see my clients turn to many different things to help get them through. Some will comfort eat, others will talk incessantly about their story, some will hide themselves away and others will throw themselves into work or the gym. Drink, drugs and sex are also a common distraction from the reality of the situation. Obviously some of these coping mechanisms are more beneficial than others and some will cause even more issues in the future.
It's important not to "stuff down" negative emotions and to face then head on. The more we face our fears the faster they will dissipate and the quicker we can be free from them. It's not always easy to do but there is a lot of help available these days to help us through these times.
I believe it is helpful to work on your mind and body at times like these. If you have a healthy body your mind will be stronger and find it easier to cope with stress and worry.
Physical exercise doesn't need to be intense or brutal but it should push your boundaries to strengthen your body for you to feel a positive improvement. Taking part in an exercise class may help to give you the motivation. Yoga and Pilates are a good way to relax your mind and reconnect with yourself. Your true identity will often get lost in a relationship as you become co-dependent in order to keep the relationship alive. Rediscovering who you are at your core is a key part of your recovery process.
It's a good idea to take some time to think about how you would like to redesign your new future and set some new goals. There are some great coaches and also lots of self help books available to guide you through the process. It's well worth the investment of time as just by having a focus for your future you will start to feel better. It will declutter the chaos of the unknown and the fear of change that always accompanies the end of a relationship. You will be amazed at how setting small simple steps will give you a reason to keep moving forward.
If you can ensure you spend time with people that are good for your soul, who have your best interests at heart and have a positive influence on you this is a bonus. You will soak up their good energy like a sponge and it will give you the boost you need to keep putting one foot in front of the other.
There are retreats that can help you to work on both body and mind if you fancy getting away from normal life and routine. Some are in the UK and some abroad depending on your budget and time restraints.
Whichever route you choose it is essential to take some "me time" to work out what you want from your life now. It's a great opportunity to take stock and to create the life you want to lead.