THE BLOG
10/03/2015 06:33 GMT | Updated 04/05/2015 06:59 BST

Give us our daily...NAG!

It's official. I have become a nag.

Just like my mother before me, and probably hers before that, and it goes on and on and on to when Eve had a baby in the Garden of Eden, and became a nag. Because that's what you do when you become a mum.

Let me take you though a typical day...

Good morning princesses!

Get up girls.

Girls? Are you up?

Girls?

GET UUUUUUUUUUUP NOW!

Get dressed!

Tuck your shirt in, you look a mess and it's only 7.15am.

OK let's go down for breakfast.

Girls? G.I.R.L.S????

GET DOWN NOW!!!!!!!!!

What do you want for breakfast?

Girls? GIRLS!

WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR BREAKFASTTTTTTTT???

Say P.L.E.A.S.E!

Why are you staring at the sky girls? It's breakfast time. Eat.

EAAAAAAAAAATTTTTT! Can you see the clock?? You have 5 more minutes.

Why are you sitting on the stairs playing with those (insert - coins, toys, beads, bits of fluff)? Get your blazer on NOW!

And your hat and scarf - come ONNNNNNNNNNNNNN!

Bye girls - have a great day. Yes I'm collecting you. Minnie - stop pinching Roxie!!!!

It's 7.50am - my daily nag total so far - 643,000.

Start work. Peace.

Hi girls, how was your day?

No, one at a time. I said ONE AT A TIIIIIIIIIIIME.

Girls! Pick up your coats, hats, from the floor - I am not your slave.

Get your homework out your bags.

Girls. Girls?

Get your homework out.

Wash your hands before snack.

No Roxie - WITH soap.

OK upstairs for homework.

Stop playing with the computer - get UPSTAIRS NOW!

What is that writing Minnie? Did you do it with your left foot??? Come ON, make the effort you know you can do much better than that. Put that doll down! I said PUT THAT DOLL DOWN AND C.O.N.C.E.N.T.R.A.T.E!!!!

Suppertime girls.

Hello? Did anyone hear me? GIRLS??????

Take those headphones off now! I'm calling you for supper.

Stop swinging on your chair Roxie.

Minnie, face your food!

What are those things at the end of your hands? Are they forks?????? And maybe those stainless steel things next to your plate are fingers?????? You're piggies.

Use your fork! Stop eating with your fingers!!!!!! Jesus!

Upstairs now for shower.

NO! Supper is over - it's been an hour of messing around. I am sorry if you have one fish finger left over - should have thought of that before you sat at the table like a lemon for so long.

What are you doing playing on the stairs? I said go up! Come on - it's late!

Girls? Are you in the shower?

Wash yourselves. P.R.O.P.E.R.L.Y.

Come out and dry yourselves.

Hello??? OUT!

AND behind your knees and arms.

Nightdresses on.

Why are you still naked?????

Put. Your. Nightdress. On.

In to bed for reading.

OK, who's first for teeth brushing?

Don't all rush at once.

Girls????

Open your mouth - wider, I can't get to the back. Wider.

Next!

OK, night night Roxie. I love you. Sleep well.

Night night Minnie, I love you. Sleep well.

Peace.

Daily nag total: 7,897,437

Actually not.

What Minnie???

Yes, I closed the cupboards.

Yes, I pushed your chair in.

No, there are no monsters.

Yes, I promise.

OK, I pinky swear.

OK, back to bed now, night night I love you.

What are you doing on the stairs playing??? Up. To. Bed. NOWWWWW!!!

Daily nag total: 7,897,438

And then my husband returns from a day at the office.

Hello darling.

Jason! Did you have to leave your shoes in the middle of the hall??????

Image Credit: Creative Squall