Jessica Hylands draws on her experience as a Confidence Coach to share some advice about how alcohol and drugs can become a feature in your life post-divorce, in this interview with Alternative Divorce Guide Suzy Miller.
Do alcohol or drugs feature in your life?
After your divorce, you may be feeling very confused and not sure what to do to adjust to your new life.
Friends will encourage you to go out with them, maybe to the pub or a club, where you all have a good time and may end up drinking too much, or seeking other artificial stimulants. This is not unusual after a big life change like going through divorce or family breakup.
For most people this won't create a problem - but do be aware that it could do if you do it too often and for the wrong reasons.
Some tips for pubbing and clubbing:
Be aware of why you are indulging in the drink or drugs. You may feel as if it's just what the doctor ordered. You feel free and uninhibited and are able to laugh for the first time in ages!
Are you doing it simply because you are enjoying having a good time with your friends, or is it more because it's a time when you can forget about your circumstances; it's a time when you aren't thinking about any of the tough stuff? If the latter, do be careful - as you could well be replacing one problem with another. There are safer pastimes to get involved in for distraction.
Are you the same person you once were?
Use your free time well. When you were single the last time, it may be that this was how you spent your time, but is it really what you want now? You are a different person to the one you were then. Apart from the fact that you have had years to grow within yourself, you've also had a lot of life experiences which may have given you a different outlook. It's tempting to want to go back and feel as we did before, but being a different person now, you probably won't be able to regain that feeling by doing the same things.
Do what feels good - and IS good
Do things that make you feel good, whether that's going for a massage, taking up a sport, joining a book club, volunteering, whatever takes your fancy. The pastimes that fuel positive feelings are better than those that simply mask the negative ones.
Have a think about how you are spending your "me time". Is it constructive in helping you to move forward with your life, or is it holding you back, or likely to cause you a new set of problems?
If you would like some help in discovering what you could do in your spare time that would make you happy, in order to create the life that you want, I'd be more than happy to help.