06/11/2013 07:53 GMT | Updated 23/01/2014 10:52 GMT

Video of The Big Five Divorce Myths - Busted! Number Two...

The Big 5 Divorce Myths - Busted!

This is the second of five Divorce Myths that I wanted to bust in this short video, providing online divorce advice and guiding people away from adversarial divorce lawyers. How to divorce amicably is the route most sane people want to take when family breakup feels inevitable, and in this divorce advice video, and accompanying article, I provide key information to help you:

2. "I have to fight for a good settlement and what's fair"

True or false?

So is this divorce belief a myth? True or False?

False. Particularly for mothers, there is this idea - this myth - that using mediation or collaborative law will leave them ending up with less money to feed the kids and keep a roof over their heads. But think about it - negotiating a settlement and ongoing financial support for the children by sharing key financial information, planning your actual needs and mutually agreeing what is fair and reasonable - how can that result in a less fair settlement when the objective is to provide long-term financial wellbeing for the children and both parents?

How can having a grown up discussion, with the support of skilled intermediaries in the form of mediators or collaborative lawyers - or if the finances involve pensions and/or property, specialized financial planners - be less fair or result in a less advantageous settlement for the family as a whole? That's just not logical is it? If a couple use mediation for example, how can a mutual agreement between that divorcing parent and their ex be less beneficial than an arbitrary decision by a judge, or the concessions made after a long and bitter courtroom struggle out of exhaustion or lack of funds to keep the fight going?

The idea that mediation leads to smaller divorce settlements for the mother is also not statistically true.

US studies have shown that women using mediation end up with higher maintenance payments over a longer period of time, than women who go through the courts. And that's not taking into account the cost of court hearings and legal fees which can fritter away money better targeted on university fees or investing it in a business start up opportunity.

If you really want an amicable divorce, then it's up to you to choose the right people to help you, and the first divorce lawyer you interview may not be the right person for the job.

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For advice on avoiding adversarial divorce lawyers and how to avoid making common mistakes leading to the pain and misery of an adversarial divorce process, you can access free online divorce advice showing you how to divorce amicably here.....