How you men can get back in the game
Exciting - that's what dating should be. But use your head as well as your heart, and you'll have more fun. Dating Expert for Men - Lewis Denbaum - shares some good advice in this interview with Alternative Divorce Guide Suzy Miller.
Are You Ready For Step One Of The Dating Two-Step?
"The divorce decree comes through and there is no excuse not to get back out on the dating scene - but the very idea of it can be daunting. Especially if your are 50+ and haven't dated for some time.
Once the majority of your anger, sadness, and shame have subsided, and you are feeling more like yourself, it is time for Step One of the Dating Two-Step. This first step is called "Recreational Dating". Recreational dating is all about just having fun - not looking for a committed relationship. This is perfect if you are ready to put your toe in the water, but not yet confident that your life is truly on track for a serious relationship.
But how do you make this work in practice?
You need to be upfront and totally honest with the women you date. Tell them that you are dating 'recreationally' and not not on the market for a committed relationship. Speak plainly and say: "I've recently come out of a divorce. I'm just looking to meet new people and have fun." Let them know that they are not the only women you are dating.
But be aware that those women will assume that 'just having fun' translates as you only being interested in sex (which may or may not be on your agenda). Be prepared for some women to turn you down flat - but if they are searching for Mr. Right, you don't want to be wasting their time. It will make your life easier if you are all on the same page, which is why being honest upfront can save you a lot of time and hassle.
Clear boundaries - for yourself as well as your dates - are really important when you are dating. Boundaries can be emotional, psychological and physical. Decide up front how much time you need in between each date with a new person, so that you won't start getting attached. Decide if you're going to go "dutch" or if you are going to be the one that pays the bill. Clearly communicate this before the date begins, to avoid awkwardness at the end of the evening.
Recreational dating can be very informal, for example: meeting for a cup of coffee, a walk, a bicycle ride or hanging out with a group of friends. Remember - the main goal of recreational dating is to have fun, to experience different types of women, and to get back into the dating world while you're still putting your life back together.
What happens if you start to develop a relationship?
If a relationship is starting to develop or you just stop having fun, you need to stop seeing each other, it's as simple as that. There's no point creating clear boundaries, if you then start ignoring them. It's also not fair to your dates to offer recreational dating and then start wanting something more.
With time, you will be ready for Step Two of the Dating Two-Step....
Step Two of The Dating Two-Step: Long-term committed dating
Being a divorced man and starting over after 50 has its challenges but they are not insurmountable. Avoid the game of trying to see if you can get into a new relationship faster than your ex! Remember - you have 30 to 40 years ahead of you- so take your time and create a much better relationship this next time around.
Try to be patient with yourself. Allow time to heal and to forgive. Delve into your new life purpose and vision. A wise investment is to develop and enhance your relationship skills.
Finally, use recreational dating as a tool to have fun and to gently ease yourself back into the strange, exciting, rewarding world of dating!"
For free advice on how to avoid adversarial divorce, click here.....