How do we protect the children
from the effects of the divorce?
The ability to learn forgiveness and being aware of flash points where the children become dragged into the divorce are important.
"The one thing that always strikes me whenever I talk to single mums is just how passionately they love their children. They would do anything to make them happy - and often do. It's ironic, then, to see just how often warring parents locked in a battle during separation or divorce fail to recognise how their words and behaviour are damaging their precious children.
Now don't get me wrong - I have certainly made mistakes in this area myself in the past but the more time that goes by, and the more single parents I work with, the more I realise that protecting the children must be on top of everyone's agenda.
After all, we adults are the ones who are supposed to be rational and mature enough to conduct ourselves calmly. Children on the other hand do not have the power to analyse this confusing and upsetting time, nor are they usually consulted when decisions are taken about such major things as where they'll live and what happens now. Above all, your child did not choose for his parents to split up.
That being said, I do have a lot of sympathy for the parents themselves (who are often reeling from the shock and turmoil of emotions caused by the split). For this reason, I would always urge someone in this situation to seek professional help to get their emotions and behaviour under control so that they can do their best to protect the children from any unwarranted distress.
This can be achieved through paying attention to your physical and emotional wellbeing. Working with a transformational life coach or a specialised parenting expert. Dealing with parental conflict by using mediators or collaborative lawyers.
Learning about forgiveness - which is such a vital process - is key to protecting your children from long-term conflict between parents.
By taking care of yourself, reducing parental conflict to a minimum, and spending more quality time with the children, the worse aspects of divorce will not leave them harmed long-term."