06/07/2014 18:59 BST | Updated 05/09/2014 06:59 BST

I Don't Get the #Selfie Phenomenon

I just don't get it. Shouldn't you be ashamed of your vanity? Your need to document everything with your face popping into the picture from various (usually unappealing) angles? Seriously. Everything. I've seen selfies with mountain landscapes, selfies with llamas, selfies in lifts (and they weren't even cool lifts, just your bog standard four opaque walls and awkwardly small confined space - even if it was a cause for celebration that you weren't stuck in a lift with a smelly, heavy breathing stranger but just with your best mates for a change IT'S NOT OKAY). And all beautifully graced with the #selfie gem.

What's so special about a selfie? (I can't bring myself to use the 'hashtag' sign as the word 'hashtag' itself raises the little baby hairs on the back of my neck and makes me cringe uncomfortably) What does it prove? That you've got a camera phone and can aim it at your face and whatever's behind you? Congrats, you and about a billion others (excluding my mum and dad, sorry guys) can do it.

I remember the good ol' days before dear Ellen DeGeneres added fuel to this craze with her (in)famous Oscar selfie - vain photos of oneself were often mocked and were blatantly socially unacceptable. And then Snapchat became massive and everyone was taking selfies whilst sipping a Starbucks or walking down the street, totally unashamedly and totally ridiculously (I'm guilty of this to be honest, but I like to justify my guilt by stressing that I mostly take snap chats from the below-the-chin angle, possibly the most unattractive angle you'll find).

And don't get me started on no makeup selfies. Oh well done you for being

oh so brave and oh so down to earth I can barely hold down last night's kebab. Oh and how can I forget?! For a noble cause too?! You really have such a kind and charitable heart. You are also a fine embodiment of contemporary society's vanity. People (mostly females I'm sad to say) around the world clutched at this golden opportunity to pout generously at a self-directed camera and show off their natural beauty. Admittedly it generated a hefty sum for various charities (mostly to Cancer Research but polar bears weren't forgotten), but shouldn't we be ashamed that it takes a #nomakeupselfie to get people to donate?

And thank goodness for the #Selfie song. We really needed to sustain the existence of this mind-boggling trend.

Athletes did their part for the craze too, kicking off with the Six Nations England team celebrating their Triple Crown victory with a changing room selfie. But they're the England Rugby team and they just beat Wales so they're allowed to do it. And let's admit it: seeing famous people in an ungroomed, unphotoshopped, human manner is just so thrilling. That's why Ellen's 'genius' selfie won the hearts of so many.


England celebrating Six Nations win against Wales (Photo: Mike Brown's Instagram)

I recently saw a #selfiecompetition. I couldn't bring myself to look further into it. It's been months since the Oscars selfie and this absurdity has gone too far. So here's the take-home message: no one cares about your new clicky pen or the three friends you're currently hanging out with. Taking a selfie with it/them and hashtagging the damn photo doesn't make it more interesting or remotely more socially acceptable (even if the *shiver* hashtag is ironic). Can we just go back to appreciating proper group photos where you can actually see everyone's faces and let the celebs take selfies if they insist on reminding us that they're people too? (Another topic I'll get to on another day)

Note: do not do a quick Google search of the phrase '#selfie' when sitting in a busy open plan office. Thank God I was searching on my laptop, not on the maxi sized desktop screen.