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Amy Ransom

Blogger and author of The New Mum's Notebook

I’m the keeper of two small people of the girl variety, Beaver (5) and Godivy (3) and a recent addition, The Boy with No Name (0). Navigating the world of willies has come as something of a surprise.

I’ve run a marathon just to see if I could. At mile 20 I decided that labour was less painful. Since giving birth again I would like to retract that.

I write about life and motherhood. Things like why I don’t have a bathroom bin, and what every woman should know about motherhood before they join. And all the other bits I haven’t blocked out. I’ve been told I make other mums feel better. Yes, that’s how much of a disastrous one I am. So if you ever feel a bit like me, you’re in good company here. I’ve also written a book, Up the Duff without a Paddle. Bet you can’t guess what that’s about.

Just Go To F**king Sleep!

Then I cocked it all up. And smug old 'I'm so good at this baby making s***' had to go and ruin it with a third child who frequently gets up at hideous o'clock and makes me want to stick pins in my eyes come bedtime. These are the main stages of our bedtime routine. Every. Painful. Night.
08/08/2017 11:21 BST

What I'd Tell My First-Time Mum Self

I look back now at photos of my younger mum self (not just that hilarious post-birth picture) and, beneath the love and contentment, I can still feel how green I was. How unsure I was. I remember that first night at home with her like it was yesterday. '<em>What on earth do we do with her? Can we put her down, do you think?</em>'.
13/07/2017 13:43 BST

The Most Liberating Piece Of Parenting Advice. Ever

Because when I asked the other parent, 'How on earth do you entertain them ALL day?' they said, 'We don't. It's not our job to amuse them all of the time. They have to learn to amuse themselves. Out of boredom comes creativity. And when there's no media kids have to find other stuff to do.'
16/03/2017 16:46 GMT

Funny S**t New Mums Do

The other day I found a diary that I barely remember writing. It's full of entries to my first-born documenting our first year together. It's going to be serialised. Oh, hang on a minute, no it's not... because it's the DULLEST READ EVER. Full of crazy s**t I did and how much I loved her.
19/01/2017 16:13 GMT

Mum Friends Make the World Go Round

They were still there. Of course. But they were busy. With life and older kids. As we all are. I really missed them. It was lonely not having mums around with babies the same age, that I could chat to and share our worries.
25/05/2016 12:40 BST

A Guide to Understanding Toddler Lingo

Nothing's more magical than your toddler's first word. Unless that word is s***, of course. But once they start, they don't stop. Unfortunately, toddler lingo is a foreign language in itself. So here's a quick guide to understanding it.
19/05/2016 12:17 BST

The Seven Stages of a Toddler Tantrum

This is my third round of toddlerhood and yet I'm still learning. Or perhaps my memory has been kind and just wiped out the horror of the past two times. Anyway. Here's my quick guide to the seven stages of a tantruming toddler. You've been warned. Reminded. Or are sitting there nodding your head because it's happening right now.
28/02/2016 20:48 GMT

A Mum's Letter to Father Christmas

The other day we were talking about the kids and whether they'd been good this year. You finished off by asking me what I'd like for Christmas. And I said dismissively, 'Oh, nothing.' But I realised later, that wasn't exactly true.
14/12/2015 09:28 GMT

Stop Putting Pressure on New Mums

So when, exactly, are new mums expected to look after their own nutrition? When are they supposed to make a healthy meal or think about eating their five-a-day? The reality is, it's often far easier to reach for a slab of cake or a couple of chocolate digestives.
29/09/2015 11:53 BST

An Open Letter to New Mums

You will sleep again. You will. The baby will grow and as she grows, she'll become more satisfied and wake less for milk. You'll find ways to comfort her and settle her for sleep. Maybe you'll rock her. Maybe she'll self-soothe. It doesn't really matter right now.
08/09/2015 12:45 BST

Terrorism Is All Around Us

So, when my children are old enough to hear the news and understand, what will I say? Will I tell them that some people kill to express their differences? Will I reassure them that these things happen far, far away from us? On battlegrounds?
29/06/2015 12:39 BST

Yes. You Should Have a Third Child

The leap from two to three is hard. In my humble opinion. Having that third child takes you into uncomfortable territory that takes some getting used to. At least six months of transition. After which you work out that the secret is never to have three kids together, too often.
18/06/2015 13:20 BST

There's No One I'd Rather Talk About My Vagina With...

I'm sitting in the park and on the table in front of me are a new NCT group. They've all met up with newborns and husbands and I've had to stop myself from going over and sitting with them. Joining in their conversation. Talking about my piles. And giving unsolicited advice. (Yup. I'm going to be THAT type of MIL. Shoot me now. Do it.)
04/06/2015 12:50 BST

Parent Like Nobody's Watching

If you've ever let a look or comment from another person, or even your own fear, make you parent your kids differently, this one's for you. (Because only YOU know your kids.)
01/06/2015 11:12 BST

Me and PND

My hormones were wonky. We had a lot going on. I was on my own with three small kids, through no one's fault. These unfortunate circumstances were a catalyst for an illness I possibly would have got anyway. Because of the flipping, wonky hormones. Circumstances just forced its hand.
27/04/2015 12:25 BST