POLITICS

Boris Johnson's Best Gags From His Conference Speech

'I say he’s Caracas!'

03/10/2017 17:05 | Updated 03 October 2017
Empics Entertainment

Boris Johnson delivered his keynote speech to the Conservative Party Conference this afternoon, and during his wide-ranging address managed to get some laughs.

Jeremy Corbyn, the media and his own colleagues were the butt of the jokes, with the Labour leader being subject to most of the gags.

Here are the best jokes from the Foreign Secretary’s speech.

On the media’s coverage of Brexit

Every day a distinguished pink newspaper manages to make Eeyore look positively exuberant and across the world the impression is being given that this country is not up to it.

Disney
Eeyore, who is apparently anti-Brexit.

Jeremy Corbyn’s foreign policy views

[Jeremy Corbyn’s] response to the grisly events in Venezuela is to side with the regime – simply because they are fellow lefties. He says he still admires Bolivarian revolutionary socialism. I say he’s Caracas.

Labour’s Brexit positions

In the customs union one week, out the next, in the single market, out the next. In out, in out. Faster than one of those members of the shadow cabinet who gets sacked before she knows she has even been appointed.

Labour’s pro-nationalisation policies

That’s the difference between this Conservative party and the Labour party? We want a country with a government that works for everyone. Corbyn wants a Britain where everyone works for the government.

On succumbing to temptation

I have seen the 800 British troops in Estonia and congratulated them on resisting the honey traps allegedly placed in their way by Russian intelligence. At least they said they had resisted.

other
Tatiana Romanova - the honeytrap in Bond movie From Russia With Love

On attacks from political rivals 

Just in the last few weeks I have seen British troops training the Nigerian forces to defeat the numbskulls of boko haram around Maiduguri – where British doctors are tending the maimed victims of terror and as our helicopter swooped over the burned and deserted villages they said there was a risk of pot-shots from behind, and I said it was an occupational hazard in my line of work.

On the UK’s space programme

We have a growing space programme run by my brother Jo Johnson and I have a candidate for the first man we gently blast into orbit and that is the superannuated space cadet from Islington.

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