Dear Mr Prime Minister, you've had a rough time lately. You party is in disarray. Your popularity rating has never been lower. You've resorted to acknowledging that Ed Miliband exists. So I have a solution: invade America.
This is a critical moment for the world. Powerful current of economics, finance, religion, population, science and culture threaten to pull us apart, but at the same time offer the opportunity to build the bridges that can forge bonds between nations.
It's very tempting for those outside the city to view it in terms of its galleries, bistros and tourist traps. For well-salaried young professionals who work in Zone One, it's all too easy to experience London through the prism of a safe middle class bubble, but that experience is not universal.
Watching Question Time is like witnessing a formerly smart child start to shove crayons up its nose. For something that was once intelligent, it scarcely resembles its past self. Rather than it being a show for serious debate, it has become theatre, designed to get cheap laughs and high viewing figures.
We are all living through history; that much is certain. There are, however, specific times or incidents when it is possible to imagine the school lessons in decades to come, when pupils will be studying with rabid intensity the very events unfolding around us right now. The saga of Prism, or the saga of Edward Snowden as Hollywood will surely repackage it, has to be one such event. With a script to rival a new Bourne movie, the 'spy story of the age' as the Guardian prefix it, has all the hallmarks of a milestone in global history.
I recognise the need for Crown Post Offices to reform, yet they are an essential part of the fabric of our communities and deserve to be protected. It is critical reform is not at the expense of the service provided to Londoners.
David Cameron does not have far to look for inspiration. The Ukip's surge and retrospectives of Margaret Thatcher remind us there is a populist tradition on the right of British politics that wins elections. And it is most ingrained on the right of the country.
In the vexed discussion about extremism and radicalisation, foreign policy is the issue that dare not speak its name. Our leaders zealously police the parameters of the debate, pre-emptively warning off those who might dare connect the dots between wars abroad and terror at home.
The report's message is clear: for London to continue to fuel its own growth and succeed internationally, it needs far greater control over its own destiny. The Commission's chair, Professor Tony Travers of the LSE, notes that only a fraction of the taxes raised in London - just seven percent - is determined by the representatives elected to spend them.
But issues facing cyclists in London are manyfold; the most pressing is unquestionably safety. In an already crowded city, cyclists compete daily with larger, noisier and more dangerous vehicles and many city dwellers, who would otherwise gladly hop on their bike to commute to work, are far too intimidated to do so.
Sadly the Woolwich atrocity has been followed up by a wave of anti-Muslim violent extremism - a mosque that was petrol bombed last night is just one of many violent attacks on mosques, Muslims and their property in Britain.
Why does a philandering chef ruin his career but his political partner in crime become a national icon? Is it because we assume that Boris and his ilk already have twisted morals since politics is a pretty ruthless business?
The majority of car journeys are made by just one passenger; a hugely inefficient way to get around. It is expected that the future of (powered) urban transport will be in much smaller personal vehicles, and will encourage the use of more semi-autonomous transport systems.
Transport for London (TfL) has this week owned up and made public the actual purchase price of the New Bus For London (NBfL), aka Boris Bus or BozzaMaster. And that price, at £354,500 per vehicle, makes the NBfL around £50,000 more expensive than a comparable off-the-shelf hybrid double decker. So, despite Bozza's promises, the NBfL will not be price competitive with alternatives.
Tonight I will be working with the Mayor or London's inspirational director of mentoring Ray Lewis as he leads a new drive to increase the number of mentors available for young Londoners.
Boris Johnson prefaces his 800-word hagiography on Qatar - 'We can't afford to ignore our dynamic friends in the East' - with an anecdote about camel ...