Do you want my alternative, semi-serious take on George Osborne's Autumn Statement, David Cameron's PMQS gaffe and Gordon Brown's decision to stand down from parliament? Here's the political week in 60 seconds...
Now the 'architect of the vow' has bailed out. This was inevitable, as he'd already lost his seat next year as retribution for siding with the Tories during the referendum like the majority of the Labour MPs will find in May... So yet another major scalp Red Tory has fallen - Brown, Darling, Lamont, Sarwar, and more to come I hope.
Scotland has been completely ignored in this so called debate. It is just another spat between the Westminster parties. Scotland is watching. And those that voted no a few weeks ago won't be fooled or frightened again.
The short term heat may be on Labour, but in the long term it will be turned on the wider political class. The stakes could not be higher. The successful implementation of devolution could entrench the union for another generation...
The greatest experiment in political cooperation in history, the 307 year old Union between England and Scotland came within inches of its death last ...
The trouble in George Square and Buchanan Street displayed how we are Better Together. Why? Because, an overwhelming majority of Glasweigans and Scots, no matter how we voted, are disgusted by this. I have seen others claim that this is what No voted for - this is the opposite of what we wanted.
'No' to independence from the UK meant 'yes' to dependence on GB. At the eleventh hour, Gordon Brown the former Prime Minister trumped Scotland's First Minister with authenticity, humility and outstanding oratory.
I have never been a big fan of Gordon Brown. In fact, I've never voted Labour in my life. However, whatever my personal feelings, if I was advising Gordon Brown, this is the picture I would paint for him. Like him or loath him, if he is the man that saved the Union, this all becomes quite plausible. Watch out Salmond. The Clunking Fist of Brown isn't finished with you, or the SNP, just yet.
Disappointed, sad, frustrated. Confused, concerned and a bit shell-shocked. With a strong sense you're living a bad dream, you wonder what must Her Majesty the Queen be thinking and feeling today?
This is not a vote just for one time, this is a vote for all time. Because this vote cannot be undone or redone, this cannot be a vote just for us, this generation and this time. When there's no going back I have to take into account my children, our future and the century ahead. And so if you have any doubts about the future unresolved, any questions unanswered, any risks unexplained, if you don't know, then you have to vote 'No'.
No, I've not lost my marbles - not yet anyway. I really do believe that if Scotland vote 'Yes' next Thursday in the Independence Referendum it will be the best thing that has happened to the Labour Party in decades. And I'm predicting a narrow win for Alex Salmond.
One would expect then for the polls to be widening rather than closing, especially considering that First Minister and his Finance Secretary have abandoned reality altogether and have flung themselves down the rabbit hole. It would be so nice if something made sense for a change.
It was always Gordon Brown's problem. It's turned out to be Philip Clarke's as well over at Tesco. And, despite his recent runs for England, it may well be Alastair Cook's too. But why are deputies so often such failures? Why, when they have spent years planning their accession and have been positively groomed to take over, do they invariably make such a hash of the top job?
I've been a hairdresser for over twenty years and in that time, working across the TV and music business as well as magazines with the likes of Lady Gaga and Chris Martin, I have had the pleasure (usually) to run my hands through the hair of quite a few famous faces...or should I say heads!
Today, on Nigerian Children's Day, the girls will still be held in captivity - and their horror continues unabated. We still do not know whether they are being trafficked into slavery or have been abused as has happened to past hostages. And while the Nigerian government has sent more troops to Borno state to back up the 15,000 already on the search, and as satellite and aircraft surveillance has been stepped up, it will take a delicate operation to secure every child's safe homecoming. As we prepare to celebrate Children's Day in Nigeria, America and in many countries around the world, our thoughts are firmly focused on practical measures that can ensure the safe release of the girls and the end of the nightmare for their families.
Multiculturalism is dead in the UK. Or, that seems to be the message delivered by some of the highest figures in British politics...