So, I've spent the best part of four months unpicking my life, my personality, what I 'know' and how I think, and trying to absorb new mindful ways to manage whatever out of life's toolbox of suffering will fly at me next and in fact I don't feel any better equipped; I feel weakened, worried and considerably worse about myself.
The Dalai Lama - who's busier than you or I - finds time to meditate. Apparently he sits for two hours every day, unless he is really busy - when he sits for FOUR hours. But where are we, less enlightened mortals, supposed to find the time when are days are full of stuff that's clamouring for our attention?
What do you mean I'm holding on? I'm trying to forget it but the wretched thing just won't go away! That's exactly the point. Your head wants to get rid of it but your mind is holding on - without you realising or knowing why. Eventually your holding on will form a habit and that is how you will tend to react to situations.
If you went down a manhole and sat there in the dark, what's swarming around up there in your brain sums up whom you really are. I'm not saying don't think about redecorating your house but in the big scheme of things the rehaul won't make your experience of the world any different, even in a new chair.
I went through a phase in my journey where I was sharing my anxieties with women and men. Generally it was well received, sometimes not. It didn't bother me. But by me becoming aware of my anxieties and not taking them personally or seriously I was able to let them be as there were, and they had less power over me
What happened with these steps is that, progressively, I began to become stronger and stronger in my defences against such shaming attacks. With this I became far more compassionate for myself and therefore for others. I began to experience deep gratitude for my job and deep love for the whole experience, with people I worked with through to the audiences who would turn up to my shows. This doesn't mean to say may I add that I live in a state of complete peace and harmony...