'Suck my toes,' she commanded, with a regal toss of her head. This is the kind of opening line which demands attention, from both reader and writer....
We're five episodes into series two and each one has been funnier than the last. Let's hope this upward trend continues. If not, I'll be so disappointed I'll have to try and recreate student life by drinking a litre of whisky and Lambrini while watching In The Night Garden.
It was 'Raisin Sunday' in St Andrews not long ago. It is the town's annual apocalyptic drinking binge which sees Freshers wander the streets (often tied together) like inebriated zombies.
Trolling is in fact an art form, and a favourite past time of those who frequent internet forums such as myself. It takes a certain amount of skill to create a troll post. Trolling is a bit of harmless fun.
Last night, as others around the country dressed up as scary vampires and skeletons, I dressed up as my mum. Had it not been for my facial hair, which I decided to keep now we have entered 'Movember,' I would have been a dead ringer for Tracey, 52.
I grew up in a house where my mother made her own mayonnaise, and when we pleaded for hamburgers she marched down to The Ginger Pig (http://www.thegingerpig.co.uk/) and convinced them to grind their rib-eye steak into patties for us. For all of her children, nothing seems more enticing, illicit and glamorous than take-away.
So, is it wrong to tell aspiring kids and adults to 'work hard, stay focussed and you'll achieve your dreams'?
There was a period where gentlemen of taste and distinction tailored the entertainment of the masses so as to promote only the best music. And stuff got messy, quickly.
Girls of all ages descend into pandemonium, and the most frequently asked phrase is "What are you wearing?" the date, time, place is not necessary to add, everybody knows what is meant. Everybody, that is with the exception of the male population.
More and more people are beginning to despair at the exorbitant costs of volunteering abroad. Is wanting to donate your time and skills to a worthwhile project without paying any more than you have to such a ridiculous idea? After all, you are working for free.
It's a common perception - girls are clean and tidy, boys aren't. And some would say there's no place where this more apparent than in university student halls of residence. For many, it's the first taste of freedom; they can stay up all night, stay in bed all day, never tidy their room or change their sheets.