tweet

"When we pack for a trip my wife basically moves out."
"My daughter telling me not to worry because she got her own allowance from my purse did not have the effect she intended"
"The smug way my wife walks into the kitchen, casually opens a drawer, and pulls out the exact item she needs on the first try."
"My wife said we need to 'evaluate the garage' so there goes my weekend."
"My dog sets an impossible bar for how I should greet my wife when she comes home."
"I was an only child to two hard working immigrant parents so, I called selfies 'pho-tos'"
"Yes, I know it’s cold but my kid won’t wear a coat. I am picking my battles. —a parenting memoir"
"Sorry we're late, my husband had to drive around the parking lot 5 times till he found a spot he liked."
"My 8yo told me her New Year’s resolution is not to step on anthills if anyone needs a lesson in realistic goal-setting."
"'Wow now that I know it was you and not santa who was responsible for all those gifts over the years I’d like to take a moment to thank you and apologise for the misplaced gratitude.' - no kid ever"