10/04/2012 11:49 BST | Updated 10/04/2012 12:14 BST

Open Thread: Favourite Pieces Of Advice

Mitchell Symons is a writer from London who, among many other achievements, pens hilarious children’s books.

Packed with all the things kids love – fart jokes, animal facts and tips for getting out of dangerous scenarios – his titles are cornucopias of useless (but fascinating) information, as you’d expect from a man who once wrote the questions for Trivial Pursuit.

His latest offering, Don't Wipe Your Bum With A Hedgehog, is a collection of ‘wise and wacky words of advice’ that include such gems as:

  • You can't trust a dog to watch your food
  • Everyone is ignorant — only on different subjects
  • Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, as you won't have a leg to stand on
  • Buy inexpensive cars, but own the best house you can afford
  • Avoid people who are nice to you but are rude to waiters

It got us thinking about the best (and strangest) pearls of wisdom we’ve been given over the years.

Some choice office offerings include: ‘there’s no such thing as a funny tie’ and ‘the most poignant text you can send in a text message argument is no text at all’.

What are some of the unforgettable words of wisdom that have been passed down to you in your life, either good or bad? Tell us in the comments below and we’ll round up the best ones...

Don't Wipe Your Bum With A Hedgehog by Mitchell Symons is published by Doubleday.