09/12/2013 10:11 GMT | Updated 08/02/2014 05:59 GMT

Controlling Your Chaos - Start Stopping

Sometimes chaos and manic woo woo is the most attractive thing in our lives. It is seemingly the driver that pushes us forward. We throw ourselves into turmoil for the sheer purpose of feeling something, experiencing something and, we hope, to make things change for the better.

Now chaos, in my experience, is a great and powerful bringer of change. The chaos I have endured and experienced has always leveled my life down to something more palatable. It has brought me to where I need to go. Eventually. However, the thing I have learned about chaos is that you can't control it, you can't negotiate with it, and you are nothing to it. Chaos loves you like a strong wind loves a washing line full of socks. It will tear you from your cozy place of limbo, it will soak you and fling you 'round the garden. It may well fling you into your neighbor's garden, where you will feel alien and alone without your partner and the feet with whom you are familiar! Chaos doesn't care for you. You are but an object to rearrange.

So many of us willingly create chaos in our own lives. We do this, perhaps unknowingly through our reactions, our negative thinking, our bitchy comments and our sneaky ways. We rustle up some Soap Opera style events to make our day go by with a little bit of spice. Then things get out of control. The argument with our spouse becomes a separation, the flirtation with our colleague slips into an affair, the neglect of our children's needs at the expense of our own becomes a brooding resentment ready to explode when they hit 16 and turn into chaos personified.

All of this chaos creates change, and in the end it will always be good. Your chaos will smack you about 'till you see sense. The longer this is taking, the less sense you are seeing. We are all too often very keen to place the source of chaos as being outside of ourselves. However all of this chaos starts from within our own heads. We make chaos happen, one little action, one little thought at a time. By embracing little dollops of chaos in our own hearts, we create a storm of chaos so big that we can no longer claim to have any control of it. And it steamrolls us. It karma kicks us up the butt. It karma kicks us so hard and so swift that we believe that this chaos came from nowhere, snuck up on us from behind. We think we have don't deserve it. But we were it's creator, it's master and mistress. This sh*t storm that swallows us up came from our own mouths. Oh the horrible irony. The horrible, horrible irony.

So if your life is seemingly crazy out of control, and perhaps you are placing blame on everyone and everything, then I suggest you look a little closer to home. I suggest that you start stopping. By this I mean literally it is time to start stopping. Start stopping your mouth from running away with itself and placing negative vibrations out into your immediate world. Start stopping the thoughts that ripple through your head and cause you to say the words that later come out as pain carrying missiles. Start stopping worrying about things that may never happen, and then acting as if they have happened, when really, we all know they haven't, and they probably never will. Start stopping seeing yourself as the victim, and instead offer love to everyone and see what comes back. Start stopping placing yourself as a victim of others. Know that your mind can choose to be whomever and whatever it chooses.

Starting to stop is something you can do everyday. For those lost in chaos, we may not be able to simply stop our actions. But we can make little efforts every day to start stopping. A little kind word to your estranged family or partner, a little positive thinking instead of worry and inner turmoil. Start stopping being the chaos and simply let it blow you to where the Uni-verse knows you should be, and when the chaos collapses and you are left with a new world to deal with, just be with it, don't wish for chaos to come back.

Trust that once the chaos has worked it's way out of your life, that this is it, time to begin anew. Have faith in this beginning and faith in yourself to do it justice. Instead of embracing mega drama put your energy to figuring out what is next. Yes, you may miss the familiar bluster of craziness, 3 am phone calls, long therapy sessions with friends whose advice you ignore anyway. Start stopping being the center of your own attention, and be real with your life. Start stopping, my friend, and start stopping now.