How Parents Can Teach Kindness To Kids To Help Maintain Good Mental Health

How do you encourage kindness at home?
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Whatever age your child is, it is never too early or too late to start thinking about their mental health

The NSPCC revealed there was a “sharp rise” in children being counselled for anxiety last year, so helping kids develop the skills to cope with life’s challenges as they grow up couldn’t be more important.

Parents have a hugely important role to play in terms of helping children to develop resilience,” said Jonathon Wood, head of service at children’s mental health charity Place2Be

As parents, we are constant role models. It’s important to think about our own behaviour and how we deal with emotions, as this will influence how they cope themselves.”

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Photo by.Ignacio Ayestaran via Getty Images

For Children’s Mental Health Week 2017, Place2Be chose the theme “spread a little kindness”.

“We’ve chosen this as we all know someone who has gone through a tough time and it can be hard to know what to do to help, especially where children are involved,” Catherine Roche, chief executive of Place2Be told HuffPost UK.

“Small acts of kindness can make all the difference. We can all have a role to play in helping children learn the value of kindness.”

Wood said parents can create daily habits with their children to instil kindness from a young age.

“If we can do this when children are young and help them feel it is good to talk about their feelings, then this will stay with them throughout their life,” he said.

Introducing kindness as a daily habit with your children can be achieved in many ways: 

1. Point out examples of kindness.

“Pointing out everyday examples of kindness – whether it’s in our own homes, in a bedtime story, or a stranger we see on the street – helps children notice and understand what it means to be kind,” explained Wood.

This doesn’t necessarily mean making children aware of big gestures or expensive gifts, Wood added, but could be as simple as holding a door open or helping someone carry a bag.

2. Praise children for kind acts.

When we asked 10- and 11-year-olds what they think is a kind thing to do for other children in their class, they had lots of ideas,” explained Wood.

“These included asking someone how they are, making sure they have someone to play with them, trying to cheer them up, or if they’re still upset, helping them find an adult to talk to.

Parents should make sure they comment when their child shows kindness to others and praise them, no matter how big or small.” 

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3. Involve children in kind acts.

Wood explained parents can involve children in acts at home if they’re helping someone out, so that being kind to others becomes a normal part of family life. 

4. Make sure your child knows you love them.

Kindness will be encouraged in environments that are positive for children.

“Make sure your child knows you love them and are proud of them,” said Jo Hardy, parents services manager at YoungMinds, said. “Even when things are busy or stressful, a word or a hug can reassure them.

“Be honest about your feelings.You don’t have to be perfect. We all get things wrong and shout or say unkind things from time to time.”

5. Be kind to yourself.

If your child is experiencing mental health problems, parents should not blame themselves, said Hardy.

“If things are getting you down, it’s important to recognise this,” she said. “Talk to someone you trust and see what they think.

“Go to your GP if things are really getting on top of you.” 

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6. Create an atmosphere where kids can talk openly.

Wood explained that encouraging kindness in kids will flourish if parents create an atmosphere where children have the ability to talk openly.

To do this, parents should: 1) Have regular one-on-one time with their child where they actively listen to their child and 2) Enjoy quiet activities with their child.

It can be really difficult spend this time together when we are balancing lots of different demands on our time, but it’s really beneficial for children to know they can count on their parents to hold some time just for them,” Wood said. 

Hardy added: “Even young children can understand about feelings and behaviour if you give them a chance to talk about it.

“With older children, they might not want to talk at first. Let them know you are there if they need you.” 

For more information on supporting your child’s mental health, visit Place2Be or YoungMinds

Before You Go

This Is How Bad It Is To Be A Young Person With Mental Health Issues In 2016
Nearly a quarter of children and young people are being turned away by providers(01 of09)
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Child and adolescent mental health services (CAMHS) are turning away nearly a quarter (23%) of all children and young people referred to them for help by parents, GPs, teachers and others.

This was often because their condition was not deemed serious enough or suitable for specialist mental health treatment.
(credit:© Naufal MQ via Getty Images)
You might not be able to access specialist support if your BMI isn’t low enough(02 of09)
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CentreForum noted that in some cases, support for anorexia was denied unless a young person was under a certain BMI threshold. (credit:Donald Iain Smith via Getty Images)
You might not be able to get specialist support if you’re hearing voices(03 of09)
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Criteria in one area suggested those “hearing voices in the context of mild anxiety, low self-esteem or low mood” should see their GP or voluntary sector counselling service and only be referred to CAMHS if they “heard voices that command particular behaviours”. (credit:H. Armstrong Roberts/ClassicStock via Getty Images)
You might not be able to access specialist support if you've only expressed suicidal thoughts once(04 of09)
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CentreForum found one CAMHS would refer people to more generic support unless they had “enduring suicidal ideation” (i.e. they had felt they wanted to commit suicide on more than one occasion). (credit:Jacques LOIC via Getty Images)
You might not be able to get specialist support if your condition hasn't reached a high level of severity(05 of09)
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In some areas, referrals were not accepted unless the young person's condition was “having a major impact on the child’s life such as an inability to attend school or involving a major breakdown in family relationships”. (credit:Arvydas Kniuk?ta via Getty Images)
Maximum waiting times for services have more than doubled in the last two years(06 of09)
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CentreForum's analysis of NHS Benchmarking data found that the average of the maximum waiting times for all providers has more than doubled since 2011/12. (credit:Hero Images via Getty Images)
Maximum and average waiting times vary greatly(07 of09)
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Respondents reported maximum waiting times ranging from four weeks to over two and a half years. The average of these longest waiting times for each service was nearly 10 months for treatment to begin.

Average waiting times for different providers also varied widely, from two weeks in Cheshire to 19 weeks in North Staffordshire. The average waiting time in Gateshead is five times as long as for those in nearby Tyneside. Similarly, waits in London vary widely from two months in Kensington and Chelsea to nearly six months in neighbouring Brent.
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There were also 'hidden waits' concealed in average waiting times(08 of09)
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CentreForum has uncovered that the median of the maximum waiting times for all providers was 26 weeks (6 months) for a first appointment and nearly ten months (42 weeks) for the start of treatment.

Some providers did not even measure waiting times at all, meaning that some patients could even be waiting longer than this.
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Where you live can affect how much is spent on your treatment(09 of09)
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CentreForum’s analysis of regional expenditure on mental health also revealed a North/South divide, with northern regions spending more on services while capacity problems exist in the South. (credit:Sverrir Thorolfsson Iceland via Getty Images)