A dad decided to share his daughter’s “category 5 shit storm” with the rest of the world on Facebook to “strike fear into the hearts of new parents”.
Jesse Mab-Phea Hill, from the US, was watching YouTube videos at home while his daughter, Alessandra, was playing upstairs in her room.
When he went to check on her, he started smelling “something foul” as he was walking up the stairs.
“My blood runs cold when I realise the stink is coming from the upper floor,” he wrote on Facebook on 12 May. “I run up the stairs screaming: ‘No, no, no, no’, till I get to Alessandra’s room.
“There she is, standing at the baby gate, butt naked, holding her diaper, covered head to toe in her own crap.”
Mab-Phea Hill’s daughter wasn’t only covered in her own poo, she had smeared it everywhere.
“I’m talking layered on globs of human faecal matter covering her arms, legs, face and hair,” the dad explained. “It’s bad. It’s worse then any other time she decided to explore in her diaper.”
Explaining what he did next, Mab-Phea Hill wrote: “There is literally no good place to pick my daughter up to get her to the bath, so I just knock the baby gate over so she can walk out on her own terms.
“Instead of walking out of her room she smiles up at me and extends her arms for me to pick her up. At this point I’m forced to pick her up.
“I use two fingers on both hands to lift her by her armpits and I shuffle the two of us off to the bathroom.
“The whole time she’s in the tub she tries to touch me with her shit covered hands and I scream like a pre-pubescent girl and dodge her.”
After 20 minutes, the dad had cleaned his daughter from head to toe - but then he had to deal with the mess that was her room.
“Everything on the right side of the room is covered in steaming baby crap,” he wrote. “The walls, the toys, the windows, the curtains, the play bench, the floor, the baby piano, my hopes, all covered in crap.
“It looked like a real category 5 shit storm blew through her room. I won’t get into anymore graphic details but two rolls of paper towels, five stolen gym towels, one bottle of disinfectant, one bottle of bleach, one big bag of crap covered toys and two and a half hours later, her room still smells like a dumpster fire.”
The dad added that he shared the episode on Facebook to “not only do my part to spread written contraception and to strike fear in the hearts of new parents” but to remind himself in the future that however bad it gets, he’s probably not cleaning poo out of his daughter’s toys.
The post was shared more than 113,000 times in one week and had 90,000 likes.
“Hahahahaha funniest shit ever (no pun intended),” one person wrote.