Domestic Violence Victims Left Suffering For Nearly Three Years Before Their Pleas Are Answered

Women Experiencing Domestic Violence Suffer For Nearly 3 Years
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Women who suffer at the hands of domestic violence are stuck in their situation for nearly three years, on average, before getting the help they need, according to new research.

Harrowing statistics released by domestic abuse charity SafeLives found that within a three-year period, some women will suffer more than 50 incidents of violence.

It also revealed that more than 85% of victims are in contact with professionals - on average five times - in the year before they get help.

Meanwhile almost a quarter of victims at high risk of harm go to an accident and emergency department because of their injuries - some as many as 15 times.

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Rebecca Coombs, 33, experienced abuse at the hands of her former partner and says that her cries for help were not answered by professionals - instead she was arrested for being hysterical.

The mum-of-two had woken up one day to find her partner standing over the bed with a wooden mop handle, which had been carved into a spike.

He was holding it against her throat.

"He pulled me off the bed by my hair and hit me against the wall and then he was strangling me," she said. "I thought 'this is it, I'm not going to wake up again'."

Thankfully, Coombs managed to escape and locked herself in the bathroom, where she called police.

But when an officer did eventually turn up, her partner told him that Coombs had gone mad.

"I said to the officer: 'I phoned you for help. You're supposed to be helping me'," she added.

"The officer turned to me and said that if I continued shouting I'd be arrested because my door was open and people on the street could hear me shouting so it was a public disorder offence."

Coombs was arrested and taken into custody, where she was only released after a more experienced duty officer realised she was a victim of domestic abuse.

But the ordeal, combined with the fact her nine-month-old baby was back at home, meant she never pressed charges.

And it was years before the 33-year-old had the courage to speak up about her abuse again, especially because she didn't think she'd be believed.

Story continues below...

How To Help A Victim Of Domestic Abuse
Let Her Know You Care(01 of11)
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NIA suggests: "She needs to know that you’re there for her, that you will support her. Don’t criticise the decisions that she’s made. Remind her that she’s not alone, domestic violence affects one in four women in their lives. "Remind her that it’s not her fault, that she isn’t responsible. Also it isn’t her responsibility to make him change or make him stop."Rise adds: "Believe the person, don't say 'Really? They seem so nice.' Say things like 'I believe you' 'this isn't your fault.'Don't say 'why didn't you say something sooner' as that is blaming a 'victim.' It doesn't matter when they tell, just that they do. Say things like 'I am pleased you've told me.'" (credit:Alamy)
Let Her Know You're Concerned(02 of11)
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NIA says: "it can be really difficult to see that you’re in an abusive relationship, as women often minimise or excuse what is happening to them or find ways to think it’s their fault. It’s also hard to tell someone else, so don’t wait for your friend to ask you for help. Ask her, let her know that you’re concerned, that you know something is wrong."Rise UK add: "Being direct can help as it takes the responsibility away from the survivor, they will know what you are asking, rather than trying to guess form an ambigious question. 'Are you experiencing abuse?' might also help a survivor feel safe that they can disclose to you; you aren't afraid of what might come out." (credit:Alamy)
Support Her(03 of11)
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Women's Aid says: "Tell her that no one deserves to be threatened or beaten, despite what her abuser has told her. Nothing she does or says justifies the abuser's behaviour." (credit:Alamy)
Acknowledge Her Situation(04 of11)
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Women's Aid says: "Acknowledge that it takes strength to talk to someone about experiencing abuse. Give her time to talk, but don't push her to talk if she doesn't want to."Acknowledge that she is in a frightening and difficult situation." (credit:Alamy)
Have Courage(05 of11)
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Don’t be afraid to broach difficult questions. Is she safe? Is she afraid? Two women a week are killed in the UK. Domestic violence is serious. (credit:Alamy)
Don't Make Things Worse(06 of11)
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If you know her partner, don’t collude.Don’t make excuses for him, don’t agree with his excuses. Tell him that he, not she is responsible for his actins. If he genuinely wants to change, help is available, advise him to look up an organisation called 'Respect'. (credit:Alamy)
Call The Police(07 of11)
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"If you witness a violent incident, call the police," say NIA.Rise adds: "Be aware that doing things; preparing to leave or reporting to the police (etc) can increase risk to survivor and consider how that can be managed; make plans together, have a code word, inform the police, and contact local specialist services." (credit:Alamy)
Find Out What She Wants(08 of11)
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Rise says: "Ask the survivor what they want to happen or do about the situation, putting them in control. A friend or relative may want to jump in and 'fix' things, which is disempowering. Be aware that the situation probably cannot be resolved quickly, but support is available whilst decisions are made."NIA adds: "Check that she knows where she can get help.Give her the National Domestic Violence Helpline number (0808 2000 247). Also, Women’s Aid have an excellent confidential survivors forum, sharing what is happening with other women in abusive relationships can make a huge difference. You can find out where help is available locally from Women’s Aid and Rape Crisis’s websites." (credit:Alamy)
Don't Give Up(09 of11)
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Finally, don’t give up on her if she doesn’t tell you the first time you ask, or if she doesn’t leave or returns to a violence relationship. Abusers break down our self-confidence.Women often make several attempt to leave a violent and abusive relationship before they make the final break. She isn’t being weak, she being strong and brave and trying to escape. You might be her lifeline. (credit:Alamy)
Don't Lecture Her(10 of11)
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"Don't tell her to leave the relationship if she isn’t ready. That's her decision," say Women's Aid. (credit:Alamy)
Medical Support(11 of11)
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Ask if she has suffered physical harm. If so, offer to go with her to a hospital or GP. (credit:Alamy)

SafeLives has now urged professionals such as GPs, midwives, social workers, police and A&E staff to ask about domestic abuse every time they are concerned in order to get families help sooner.

Diana Barran, SafeLives' chief executive, said: "This is yet more shocking evidence that we could stop domestic violence far earlier than we do. Every conversation with a professional represents a missed opportunity to get victims and their children the help they need.

"Time and time again no one spots domestic abuse, even when victims and their children come into contact with many different public agencies. It's not acceptable that victims should have to try to get help repeatedly. This leaves victims living in fear and danger - and risks life-long harm to their children.

"Every professional should help victims feel safe enough to say what is really going on at home. That's why we're calling on every professional to ask about domestic abuse, every time they're worried - and to know the right thing to do if victims tell them."

SafeLives holds the UK's largest database of domestic abuse cases, with more than 35,000 entries since 2009.

Polly Neate, chief executive of charity Women's Aid, said: "We now have all the evidence we need to know that women experiencing domestic violence are being failed. Help takes too long to reach them and often doesn't provide the support they need.

"This report further demonstrates the need for a new approach to domestic violence, one that provides more opportunities for women to disclose and which really meets their needs when they do.

"Agencies have to work together to do more than simply manage risk in the short term.

"We have to empower women to escape permanently, and give them the tools to live independently for the rest of their lives."