Black Dot: Important Things To Know About The Viral Domestic Violence Campaign

How Black Dot Campaign Is Helping People Escape Abusive Relationships

The Black Dot Campaign encourages abuse victims to draw a small black dot on the palm of their hand as a way of seeking help. This is then recognised by people outside of the victim's abusive situation who can offer assistance.

Since we wrote about the campaign last week, it has slowly gathered momentum and has reached an astounding number of people - 4.5 million in total.

According to the New Zealand Herald, it has already helped 49 women leave abusive relationships.

However since it went viral a few very valid points have been made, which we feel obliged to share.

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Things you should know about Black Dot

Firstly, it's important to note that while it's been branded as a "campaign", it's not an official campaign recognised by domestic violence charities and organisations.

It was launched by an anonymous domestic violence survivor who says she experienced physical, emotional and sexual abuse. She told HuffPost UK Lifestyle that her experiences inspired her to launch the campaign, "as so many people suffer in silence because they cannot ask for help".

"This is an idea, thinking outside of the box, trying to open up the world's eyes and ears to what is going on in terms of abuse," she writes on Facebook.

While it might not be an officially recognised campaign, it still has the power to help people. And it has.

Here are just some of the people who have been helped, in one way or another, by the campaign:

Black Dot: Stories From Survivors Of Domestic Abuse
(01 of04)
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"Hi I just wanted to say thank you, this idea is amazing. I'm in a DV relationship now and I have social services involved. I know I can't ask for help and when ever anyone comes near me he's there, next to me, intimidating me. I saw this campaign, took a picture on my phone and sent it to my social workers phone whilst putting the kids to bed then immediately deleted the message in case he saw. She came round today and said hi XXXXX we need to update your records about the black dot, you know your health, would you like me to do that today. I replied yes. She went outside for one minute and then came back in, 5 minutes later the police arrived and took him away. Thank you. I didn't even have to draw a dot on myself, you removed the evil from mine and my four children's lives. You saved me from the devil God bless you and your work xx" (credit:Black Dot Campaign)
(02 of04)
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"I am a middle aged man, married for 27 years with three children. Myself and my wife both have great jobs and our children receive a great education. "My secret is my wife, the person I love, share my entire life with and who graced me the pleasure of 3 very intelligent and gorgeous children.. She's not the same person behind closed doors. "She shouts at me, calls me horrible names which I can't even bring myself to write, controls every penny of mine and her wages and makes me feel like a failure of a father, belittling me in front of my children. "We all know when she's going to go off on one and we live every day making sure we don't upset mum. I put it down to our busy lifestyle of work, children, after school clubs, just life. Then I saw the black dot campaign in my local paper and I read some comments... I literally felt like a weight had been lifted of my chest "I was being abused, in my marriage by the woman I love. After chatting with the page I went to my mum's today and poured out my soul, I was physically drained after speaking about everything.... Mum hugged me and suddenly everything felt better, I was no longer worthless, broken, hurting or confused. I was safe... "I'm staying with my mum now whilst I take the next steps in my life.... One day at a time... I see hope... Maybe happiness... For me and my children. Don't suffer as you are not alone." (credit:Black Dot Campaign)
(03 of04)
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"When I was 17 I entered a relationship with a 26 year old man. We were together for and a half years. It was volatile and hostile from the start but I never expected things would turn out the way they did. "I hear a lot of people comparing physical abuse, to emotional, mental and sexual. Sadly I know what all of that feels like because my abuser put me through every kind of abuse imaginable. It started off with the verbal. Being older he would belittle and humiliate me in public, especially in front of his friends. His public passive aggressive nature made others feel uncomfortable and it was embarrassing for me. In private he was less passive and more aggressive, making me feel intellectually inferior and insignificant. Over time it became evident that he was brainwashing me, controlling all aspects of my life from my friends to what TV show I should watch. When we first got together I was working part time to support myself through college, earning £50 a week. All my money was spent on him and his drinking habit. I got an overdraft just so I could continue to fund him. Whenever I said no, he'd just steal money from me anyway."He cheated. I actually lost count of the amount of times he cheated. He'd flaunt it in my face too. This one friend of his he cheated on me with, he invited to my birthday party and she said for another 2 days on his insistence. I can't begin to describe how that made me feel. I'll never forget sitting in the sexual health clinic after we split, terrified that he'd passed something on to me. Thankfully he didn't."And then there was the violence. The first time he was violent was 3 months into our relationship when we got into an argument and he pushed me down the stairs. "He attacked me on my 18th birthday in a club toilets because I wouldn't give him anymore money to buy him anymore drinks.The worst was in my sleep. Sometimes he'd choke me whilst I was sleeping, just to see the look of panic on my face when I woke. Sometimes he'd put lit cigarettes out on me. Sometimes he'd cut me. And sometimes he'd rape me. All when I was asleep. Since then I've had real issues with sleep. I suffer from crippling night terrors and horrific flashbacks. To this day it's still terrifying for me."The worst and most violent experience I suffered came 2 months before my 21st birthday. He was drunk, I was ill from a cold and did not want to have sex with him despite his persistence I fought back. In response to this he pulled me by the hair and smacked my face into every wall and door until he threw me out the front door of his flat before chucking my shoes, purse and phone at me. It was 3am, I didn't drive and had nowhere to go. I walked to the tiny train station and waited for the first train. After an hour he called, full of remorse so I walked back. As soon as I had two feet in the front door he punched me in the head and I went down. He raped me in the hallway so brutally I bled all over the floor. When he was done, he spat in my face, picked me up by the hair and threw me on the sofa before chucking a duvet at me and going to bed. The next day he claimed he didn't remember anything.It sounds stupid but I think at the time I only stayed with him because I didn't want to disrupt any plans for my pending 21st.When I ended it he was surprisingly calm and amicable. The last thing he said was if I didn't leave him I'd probably end up dead. I've not seen or spoken to him since."That was 8 years ago and I've not been in a relationship since. I'd like to find love but I feel too 'damaged' to enter a relationship. My ex took so much from me, but most of all he took my years that I will never get back. "I'm strong to everyone that knows me and very few people know my story. I'm very active in DV charities and have helped a lot of friends, particularly young women who have found themselves in or in potentially DV situations. "But I'm still scared. I'm very hard on myself for allowing myself to suffer and suffer in silence for so long. I'm angry that I let anyone subject me to this to the point I feel undeserving of love. This is a dark secret I carry with me everyday. Although the bruises are long faded I still feel a sense of shame."Despite what's happened I've still got a sense of perspective and I'm not scared of men in general. I don't have more trust issues than the average person. But I think it's safe to say I suffer from major intimacy issues. I'm sexually active to the point of being promiscuous at one point. But it's the intimacy of allowing myself to be close to someone to the point I can physically sleep next to someone."I'm asking for advice from survivors on finding love even long after an abusive relationship. Is there a light at the end of the tunnel? Can we get a happy ending? Thanks to all that read this. I've never spoken out before." (credit:Black Dot Campaign)
(04 of04)
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"I'm heavily pregnant and the baby's father is very abusive. With words, his hands. I've been petrified for so long and even more with the baby coming soon. I was at the hospital yesterday, he was with me, he never leaves my side anymore. I had to have an examination so the consultant asked me to lie on the bed and drew the curtain. I leant over and took the pen out of his pocket, pulled his hand over to me and wrote HELP ME. I didn't have to say a word. "This campaign gave me the strength and the idea how to ask for help. I am now safe somewhere else thanks to that consultant and the black dot campaign. Thank you, 1 week to go until my due date and I am finally safe." (credit:Black Dot Campaign)

Secondly, people have questioned whether professional bodies know about Black Dot, as the page originally said that "agencies, family, friends, community centres, doctors, hospitals can recognise this person needs help but can not ask for it".

In a statement on Facebook, the page's founder writes: "Professional bodies have not been advised or trained in the Black Dot, what it symbolises and what it means."

But that's not to say that it hasn't reached these people.

"I'm a DV First Responder and while yes of course abusers can read this we still can't stop advocating for victims and finding new ways to get information to them," wrote Debra Signorelli on the post.

"They are always at risk and leaving is the most dangerous time, but their lives matter and there is life after abuse.

"When you are in it, you feel hopeless. Let's never quiet the victims. Let's always work together to keep giving them a voice."

Another valid point, which hundreds have flagged, is that as the campaign becomes more widely known, there is a high risk that perpetrators of abuse will also know about it.

Zoe Hammond writes: "How does this help? Won't the perpetrators of domestic violence also know what the black dot means - so if they see their victim with this on their hand won't that potentially make the situation worse?"

But the founder of Black Dot has an answer to this too.

"This isn't the solution that will help everyone, if anything it should help people realise what abuse is, how it affects people and how to access help," she writes.

"SAFETY MUST ALWAYS COME FIRST. If you see a black dot or are approached by someone for help, if safe to do so take them to safety and get them in contact with the relevant agency. Intervention and support should only be done by professionals."

Polly Neate, chief executive of Women’s Aid, tells HuffPost UK Lifestyle that it is useful to have a range of options available for victims who want to communicate their abuse.

"It can be very difficult and dangerous for victims of domestic abuse to speak out about what is happening to them, due to fear of what the perpetrator will do, and fear of not being believed," says Neate.

"The Black Dot could help some victims to communicate their abuse and it is useful to have a range of options because circumstances vary greatly."

Survivor of domestic abuse, Simonne Butler, says that the campaign would be most effective for trying to communicate to people when the abuser was present, but in a private situation - for example a doctor's appointment.

"When you're too scared to ask for help but you could [show the dot] and you don't need to say anything someone knows exactly where you're coming from, they know exactly the situation you're in, I find that really empowering," she told The NZ Herald.

"What I love about this is that this is a lady in England who has been through domestic abuse and she has come up with this and it's gone around the world. People are talking about this people are thinking about new ways to help people get out of situations.

"If we can change the culture to start think about helping people instead of blaming then then I think that's amazing."

There's no disputing there have been equal parts negativity and praise when it comes to the campaign.

But when it comes down it, we need to bare in mind that this is the brainchild of a brave woman who escaped abuse herself. Not a huge organisation with the input of experts at their disposal.

And yes, it might have its flaws - but doesn't everything?

The important thing is that it's given a voice to people who might not have found the courage to in the first place, it lets victims know that they're not alone and help is at hand, and most importantly, it has helped a handful of people find the strength they needed to escape.