If you’re ever been cheated on by a woman, blame evolution.
According to a new research paper, women have genetically evolved to be unfaithful so they end up with the best possible relationship for themselves.
Using data from previous research, scientists and psychologists from the University of Texas and California State University use the term “mate-switching hypothesis” to describe their observations.
They say heterosexual women in relationships seek out alternative males in order to test their current situation and look for better long-term partners.
This “switching” also enables them to have a backup if their relationship fails.
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The research suggests the idea that humans are meant to be monogamous is a socially-constructed myth.
“Breaking up with one partner and re-mating with another — mate switching — may more accurately characterise the common, perhaps the primary, mating strategy of humans.
“Affairs serve as a form of mate insurance, keeping a backup mate should a switch become warranted in the future.”
Commenting on the study, Clare Prendergast, counsellor spokesperson for the relationship charity Relate says it’s “really important not to generalise” when talking about infidelity.
“There are often multiple and complex reasons why a woman may see someone else,” she tells The Huffington Post UK.
“I’ve seen individuals very distressed by falling in love with another person whilst in a committed relationship.
“Sometimes this is evidence that there are issues in the primary relationship that need addressing but increasingly cases are presenting where the individual needs to come to terms with the fact that they are polyamorous.”
She adds that relationships are “a bit like jobs”, in that we used to have a job for life, but many people don’t now.
“Often people will have several significant relationships in the course of their adult life,” she says.
“The research may help in that it could end the stigma for some couples who reach the end of the road and choose to see if they can find someone better suited.
“Myths, cultural norms or even religious beliefs as to what’s expected can cause people to really struggle with this so they come to us to help them come to terms with their situation.”
Of course, it’s not just women who cheat on their partners. While the paper focuses on women, it acknowledges that men can also be adulterers.
It says that when men stray from home, it is likely to do with the primal instinct to obtain “reproductive success” by mating with multiple fertile women.
The scientific paper does seem to contradict some of the anecdotal reasons women give for cheating on their partners.
The Huffington Post asked eight women what drove them to cheat on their husband and, surprise surprise, none of them mentioned “backup” partners.
From feeling lonely to being dissatisfied with their sex lives, read some of their answers here.
Bad Relationship Habits
Thinking Negatively(01 of11)
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"Ask yourself one key question, can I assume positive intent when it comes to this person?” says holistic coach Ekene Onu. This matters because in most good relationships, the answer is yes — and changing your mindset to consider that can provide you with needed perspective. "Even when your partner does something that impacts you negatively, if you can assume positive intent then your approach to conflict resolution will likely be different because you know that they didn't intend to hurt you,” she says. (credit:Tetra Images via Getty Images)
Laying Blame(02 of11)
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Constantly looking for someone to blame in the relationship when things go wrong can really add a negative tone to your interactions over time. "Instead of blaming your partner for something you don't like or upsets you, try a softer approach like saying, 'I feel upset or hurt when you leave your clothes on the floor after I told you that bothers me,’” says psychotherapist Jessica Marchena. “You can also say, 'I feel unheard and my feelings don't matter to you.’" (credit:Jupiterimages, Brand X Pictures via Getty Images)
Waking Up On The Wrong Side Of The Bed(03 of11)
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Make an effort to start the day off on a positive note by avoiding morning nagging and arguing, says blogger Surabhi Surendra. "Morning is the most important time of the day and thus if spent peacefully and in a loving, thankful way can lead to a peaceful, happy day,” she says. (credit:Picturenet via Getty Images)
No Longer Sharing Your Dreams(04 of11)
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Couples often share their dreams with each other in their early days, Onu says, but don’t necessarily keep that up over the years. They might stop for a variety of reasons, big and small — but continuing to picture your partner in your future dreams can help you keep him or her in your resent, she says. (credit:Betsie Van Der Meer via Getty Images)
Becoming Complacent(05 of11)
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It’s natural that after a long period of time together, you fall into a day-to-day routine. And when we all live such busy lives, it can be hard to break from the regular cycle of work-kids-housework-repeat. But that can lead couples to feel more like roommates than romantic partners. "You can repair this issue by setting goals together for you as a romantic couple,” says relationship coach Ravid Yosef. “Try date nights, holding each other while watching TV, sitting down for dinner and speaking to each other — kid-free, logistics-free talk time or doing things you love doing together." (credit:MaxRiesgo via Getty Images)
Never Saying 'I Love You'(06 of11)
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Never saying “I love you”: Making a point of sharing your feelings, even briefly, can be a good reminder to you and your partner of why you’re in for the long haul when things are tough day to day. "This builds emotional connection,” says Marchena. "Even sending an 'I love you' text lets your mate know that you are thinking of them." (credit:Barbara Penoyar via Getty Images)
Cutting Out The Kisses(07 of11)
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It’s easy for little gestures like hugs and kisses to slowly fall out of a relationship, but they’re important to hold on to because they can help maintain your intimacy in small ways when life is busy. "I have been married for more than six years and we still begin our mornings either with a kiss or a hug,” Surendra says. "Nothing can beat this daily ritual." (credit:Halfdark via Getty Images)
Always Being (Digitally) Connected(08 of11)
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Just making a point of spending time together that doesn’t involve screens can increase you emotional connection by giving you more opportunities to really talk, or to cuddle without phones and laptops in the way. "Put the phone down after a certain time and do something together, even if it is just watching TV or a movie,” Marchena says. "And also make a rule that there are to be no screens at the dinner table. Or cuddle and be together without the screens." (credit:mediaphotos via Getty Images)
Doing Everything Separately(09 of11)
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"Shared experiences bond partners,” Onu says. You don’t have to do everything together — but if the only experiences you share are the mundane ones of running your household, then you’re missing out on a simple way to grow your bond as a couple. "Make an effort to have more shared experiences than not,” Onu suggests. “It gives you something to remember when things get tough.” Getting back to that can be as simple as scheduling a regular date night, signing up for a class together, or planning a vacation with just the two of you. (credit:DavidsAdventures via Getty Images)
Living In The Past(10 of11)
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"We're neurologically programmed to predict the future based on our past,” says Yosef, "and so we make a lot of assumptions about how our partner feels and how they will react instead of actually acknowledging what's happening in the moment and dealing with it appropriately.” Take the time to be mindful of your thoughts and what is really behind them before you just run on them based on past behaviour in your relationships or assumptions about your partner’s intentions. “Ask yourself, is this a feeling or a fact?” she says. (credit:Daniel Laflor via Getty Images)
Never Looking Inward(11 of11)
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"Self awareness is a powerful tool of success in every area of life — particularly in relationships,” Onu says. Take some time to think about who you are and what you need from a relationship. For example, are you an introvert who needs regular alone time to recharge and bring your best self to your partner? Knowing things like that can help your relationship by making it easier to explain your needs to your partner, or to understand theirs. (credit:Jupiterimages via Getty Images)