Do you ever feel unlovable, unworthy or insecure?
Imagine what your life would look like if you truly, deeply madly loved yourself?
There is one important thing in your life that affects every decision, choice and action; that is the commitment to yourself to love and accept yourself and be kind to your mind.
When you truly love, respect and cherish yourself, your life improves. People treat you differently; you're more likely to get the promotion you want, the clients you want. You feel happier within. The quality of your relationships start to improve, and you let go of fear of rejection and comparing and despairing.
Many of us experience someone criticising us whilst growing up for not being perfect, making mistakes or not living up to the unrealistic expectations they bestow upon us. This often results in us creating core beliefs in our subconscious that we are unlovable.
In my book The Confidence Factor I call it The Committee.
The Committee whispers, whines and tortures us, inhibits action and causes shame, low self - esteem and self - rebuke.
Too often I hear my clients say;
• I'm should have said this or that
• I always screw up
• I'll never achieve as much success as
• I not as talented/funny/smart as
By continuing to terrorize your mind, place daggers in your heart every time somebody else has success and sit in fear, procrastination and trepidation... It is inevitable that you will do a brilliant job of convincing yourself that these core beliefs are real.
You create your reality.
Every time you abandon yourself, shame yourself and disrespect yourself you erode your self - esteem.
10 Ways to Practise Self Love and Be Kind to Yourself
1. Praise yourself. Take a daily self -inventory. List everything that is a source of pride. Instil within yourself the habit of seeing all that you can own and acknowledge about yourself and your life that you are proud to share with others. Own that you are of value and you can and do contribute to the world in which you live. Acknowledge the essence of what you are.
2. When you hear 'the committee' telling you that 'you are not worthy', 'you messed up'. Stop and think about whose voice is it? Teacher, ex- partner, parent, or all of them? Close your eyes and visualise yourself covered head to toe wearing post sticks flagging up your shortcomings. Peel them off. Then visualise yourself standing in front of 'the committee' saying 'Thanks for sharing your opinion but let's get this straight, they are opinions, not facts. 'I approve of myself'. Your lack of self - love is based on perception, not reality.
3. Smile in front of a mirror before you wash your teeth and say 'I release all need to criticise myself or compare myself to anyone else. I am empowered to be myself and unconditionally love and support myself just the way I am'
4. Change all passwords. Enter each one manually. One day at a time imprint new thoughts in your subconscious. E.G 'I am loveable'. 'I am perfectly imperfect'; you will be amazed at how you will start diffusing the committee and overcome the tirade of negativity that so fiercely demands your attention.
5. Stop being mean to yourself and dismissing yourself as being unlovable. Schedule a regular 'date' to a restaurant, show, or spa. Switch your phone off, go ghost, appreciate value and enjoy your own company.
6. Be discerning with whom you hang with. If you have toxic people in your life, step away. By being around passive aggressive pam, angry angie, moaning mary and debbie downer you devalue yourself. Remember who we associate with we emulate.
7. Carry a photo around with you of when you were a child. Every time you want to berate yourself take a good look at that photo. I am sure you wouldn't be mean to your child, niece, nephew or anyone elses child, so why be mean to yourself.
8. Stop comparing yourself to others. Take a good look in the mirror, that's your competition. When you put others above you, you are telling yourself you are not good enough and sending yourself to the dog house. Close your eyes, visualise a dog house with you crouched down on all fours. Do you want to stay there? No of course not. Don't be so cruel by putting yourself there to begin with.
9. Write affirmations on slips of paper; E.G 'I'm more than enough' I'm smart, bright, I've got it right' 'Every word is valued and heard' place them in a glass jar. Each time you wash your hair or take a shower, take one out and say it out aloud. We clean our hair and our body why not clean our mind and thoughts?
10. Become aware of your internal processes. Awareness is the pre requisite to change. Each morning check into you: What am I thinking? What am I feeling? Consider what's behind your thoughts and feelings. Each time you say something self - denigrating, apologise to yourself; 'oops, that wasn't very kind of me to say that' 'so sorry, didn't mean to offend you'.
I urge you to start being kind to yourself, learn to love yourself and master self -loving methods to train your subconscious mind into forming new habits.
Remember what you practise you become.
By changing the story you have always told yourself and creating a new one, one baby step at a time I promise you this; you will begin to love yourself and be kind to your mind.
I hope this has been insightful and helpful and it's left you feeling motivated and inspired.
P.S if you enjoyed it please forward this article to anyone you know who you feel would find it interesting as it could really make a difference to them.