Former fundraiser, wife, mother to two rainbow babies and seeker of happiness.
Hello. I'm Lucy, a former fundraiser, wife and mum to two rainbow babies. I write honestly about recurrent miscarriage, mental health and finding happiness in the little things in life. I do this to show mums who are struggling that there is always hope and that a rainbow can appear after the darkest storm.
I know society expects me to be completely over the miscarriages now. I have my longed for family and I should just move on with my life. And in many ways that's true. I am overwhelmingly blessed to have a beautiful family that I adore. It was a fight to get here. But it was worth it.
I wish I could say that my stalker no longer impacts my life. But they do. And they don't just affect my life. They threaten the happiness of my family. My two precious children and my loving husband. And for that I despise them.
Dear Baby, Today could have been your fourth birthday. Today your daddy and I could have been singing <em>Happy Birthday</em> to you. We could have watched you open your presents. Seen you smile as you blew out the candles on your cake.
I know that you blame yourself for the death of your baby. You wonder if there is something that you could have done to prevent the miscarriage. And you feel a failure. I know that you worry that this miscarriage will affect your relationship. You fear that the grief will drive a wedge between you.
My miscarriages remain unexplained. It could be bad luck. It could be a chromosomal issue. We might never know. And that for me is the worst development. I know, it is ridiculous to want something to be wrong. But I wanted there to be something wrong with me so that there was a reason for the miscarriages.
23/09/2015 16:57 BST
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