Matt Roper

Character comedian. Scribbler. Vagabond. Grump.
Seven Essential Songs To Survive

Seven Essential Songs To Survive Christmas

Who can resist a Christmas song in which the two lead singers brand each other in the midst of an argument with such epithets as "scumbag", "arse" and "an old slut on junk"? Not me.
23/12/2016 12:22 GMT
Fringe Diaries:

Fringe Diaries: Routines

I'm here in Edinburgh again for the annual festival and as ever it's a marathon, so this time I'm heeding the words a fellow comedian gave me just last week: <em>drink less, sleep more</em>. The fact that I spotted that fellow comedian falling out of a pub yesterday just after midnight - completely arseholed of course - is neither here nor there.
10/08/2015 16:49 BST
Edinburgh, You

Edinburgh, You Tart

God knows I've spent enough of my own money on presenting my show here this month. I daren't count how much. No doubt all comedians here could - collectively - have relieved a small African state from the heavy shackles of debt.
04/08/2014 11:19 BST
Freedom From Fear: Remembering Comedian U Pa Pa

Freedom From Fear: Remembering Comedian U Pa Pa Lay

U Pa Pa Lay is dead. According to sources in Burma, the comedian died at 1pm last Friday, 2 August 2013. Three times jailed by the Burmese junta for exercising his right to freedom of expression, one of his most famous jokes was this one:
06/08/2013 15:42 BST
Matt Roper Is Being Held Upside Down By Mother

Matt Roper Is Being Held Upside Down By Mother Nature

I'm here to perform character comedy for the annual comedy festival at the Baxter Concert Hall in the grounds of the University of Cape Town. I'm on with some very well known South African comics, a brilliant Canadian clown and one or two of my comrades from the UK.
20/06/2013 16:45 BST
Oolong Tea With

Oolong Tea With Mussolini

Enjoy yourselves, people. There's nothing to be gained from living like this. It's not so much the booze I miss. It's the cigarettes. I'm absolutely <em>dying</em> for a fag. I'm cranky. I'm miserable. All I do is eat.
20/05/2013 11:26 BST
Noodle Soup and

Noodle Soup and Sympathy

Health scares can be good for the health if you can learn from them. I am addicted quite seriously to cigarettes, but I don't smoke anymore. There are times when I miss them (when I have a cup of coffee or I'm waiting for a train, blah blah, yawn etc.) but I know myself far too well. I can't go there. Post- DVT, us smokers put ourselves at the greater risk of a recurring blood clot. It's a non-runner.
21/04/2013 16:05 BST


Christmas has arrived in London Town, and what a stench of vulgarity it brings with it. You can't move without being reminded of it.
17/12/2012 16:29 GMT
Matt Roper is Seeking

Matt Roper is Seeking Inspiration

I haven't written a single word in the last six weeks, apart from throwing bits and pieces onto a song I started writing in June. Terrible business, when I think about it.
18/10/2012 16:09 BST
Matt Roper is Tapping Away

Matt Roper is Tapping Away Laboriously

Being encouraged to climb a fibre-glass cow at quarter to four in the morning with two girls from Lancaster and an accountant named Henry is exactly the sort of thing I promised myself to avoid during the Edinburgh Festival this year.
23/08/2012 16:10 BST

Masturbatory Humdrum

It's such a bubble, this Fringe business. Last August we were all up here promoting our own sordid offerings while the riots were raging in London and beyond.
14/08/2012 17:28 BST
A Fish In A

A Fish In A Tank

Hello, Beautiful Creatures. Here I am. Now a blogger for the Huffington Post. Could a greater honour be bestowed on such a humble clown as I? I think not. And if you're still reading this by the end of the fourth paragraph then we're destined to become entwined - like two lovers - over the next three weeks as I write from the <a href="" target="_hplink">Edinburgh Festival Fringe</a>.
10/08/2012 16:12 BST