Acting After Illness #14 Circumstances

04/10/2017 14:43 BST | Updated 04/10/2017 14:44 BST

The best I could hope for "under the circumstances, they said.

The hospital has cancelled my appointment to see a neurosurgeon to discuss the June angiogram scans of the AVM in my head and to talk about what, if any, my future restrictions will be.

Whatever happens, that is, what is happening right now, is a direct result of "the circumstances" that have been created before, either by our own actions, by somebody else's actions or by some external event.

Does the Government and the NHS know this?

These things, that happen, that we call circumstances, are happening right now, in this minute and in this moment.

Circumstances are factors, conditions that come together and play a part in determining a future outcome.

Circumstances are happening to all of us all of the time. In this moment, and the next moment, and the next.

So, whatever is happening right now, in this moment, is exactly what's going to happen right now in this moment - there's no way to change it - It's too late.

But, it is perfect.

The moment is exactly what it is supposed to be, precisely what the circumstances have demanded of it.

Who says there is no such thing as perfect?

I used to say I am not a lucky man.

In my previous blog, I said one of things I am really having a difficulty with is getting my head around knowing that this AVM, in my head, has been there all my life.

It was there, affecting my circumstances - my life. No matter what I was doing it was there. Doing its own insidious thing. A hidden life.

And, unbeknown to me, this was a battle I was never going to win until it revealed itself by the way of a brain haemorrhage giving me the opportunity to fight fairly.

I imagine, I am feeling the same as someone who discovers a hidden secret after knowing someone for 20 years. They are not who they thought they were.

I am not who I thought I was.

It's mind blowing, devastating to have these thoughts.

I have learnt that they are only thoughts but, non the less, they are very very difficult to process

When reading a script, I ask myself, "What are the circumstances?"

I am looking for the things, the events, that have happened before, that have now come together to create the moment the character finds himself in.

An actor cannot be someone else. It is impossible. You can only be you. So, for an actor, it is "you" in and those circumstances.

I heard Judi Dench more or less saying this on The Today programme on Radio 4. She was talking about playing Victoria in Victoria and Abdul and that really it was about being herself in the characters place, and trying to consider all the things going through the characters mind.

That's what I enjoy about acting too - what it is like to experience someone else's mind, thoughts and the circumstances they find themselves in.

You might be thinking, hold on, but that's what actors do isn't it? They become someone else?

No, what actually happens is that you, the audience, when you are watching an actor intentionally, wilfully, accept them as real, in order to experience what the actor is attempting to convey.

You suspend your belief. It's a term that was coined by the poet Samuel Taylor Coleridge, a friend of Wordsworth.

I am digressing now.

When I was in the rehabilitation hospital at St Pancras one of the nurses used to say to me every time he saw me "David, make today lucky."

He would say his mantra to me three or more times a day.

That's easy for you to say I used to think as I lay there in my hospital bed.

But now, I understand exactly was he was saying to me. What he was teaching me.

By taking the time and making the effort to make today lucky, you will have a direct influence on your circumstances and the outcomes of your future.

You have a choice, you can choose where to place your mind and what to influence or "make lucky".

And people say they have no control.

So, as you go about your daily business doing things, saying things, making things, have an awareness of this, that whatever you are doing and saying will compound together and create the circumstances in your future.

Knowing this changes everything.

Knowing this creates "luck".

You can start to create better relationships, better job roles and a better life for you and for other people too - you are creating the circumstances for later on today, for tomorrow, for the end of the week, for the end on the month, for the end of the year and even for 10 years time - for the future.

You can reach David via Spotlight