08/08/2013 12:01 BST | Updated 08/08/2013 12:01 BST

Let's Hear It for the Lads' Mags!

I'm no statistician, but I'm pretty sure it would take a lot more than perusing a two year old copy of FHM at your local dentists to make any man violent or rapey.

In a move akin to Marty mistyping the year into the Delorean, the 'Lose the Lad's Mag' campaign hit our air waves again this week 20 years after the mag genre was at its peak.

Amid a 50% decline in high street sales in recent years, they're calling for high street shops to lose the lad mags or risk possible legal action. This begs the question, in 2013, is this really a valid fight to be fighting?

The LTLM website holds some very weighty points. They state 'a woman' in Tesco said that "Tesco make enough money - they don't need to sell this stuff."

Excellent fiscal commentary by random woman in chocolate teapot aisle.

If I'm honest if I'm having to choose between a rack of magazine tits in my local shop or a barnacled penis on prime time TV's Embarrassing Bodies, I'd probably go for the latter. Only because I'm lazy and it means I wouldn't have to move from my sofa. If I wanted to look at a nippleless boob, Ten Years Younger is on right after.

I'm no statistician, but I'm pretty sure it would take a lot more than perusing a two year old copy of FHM at your local dentists to make any man violent or rapey. If it did though it would make going to the dentists way more thrilling, like enacting a level of street fighter set in an NHS surgery. Better than the job centre and you'd likely save cash on dental bills too.

The fact that LTLM's Kat Banyard was on BBC News this week stating that literally '1000's of readers have called on supermarkets to stop stocking these mags', says more about the sad state of print media in general than anything else. If the group had their way, how far would this ban on semi naked bodies and /or suggestive overtones go....? Would this stretch to the women's lifestyle and celebrity mags?

I think we should take a moment; let's imagine the LTLM had their way, imagine what the world would be like..... [cue dreamlike sound effect]

Firstly you'd never hear about pop slash rock slash indie band, Lawson's new single 'Brokenhearted', as their first naked strip would be obsolete from this month's Cosmo, and that would be a crime against music. It's very good; guitar driven with a distinctive poppy edge. That's why they're covering their man parts with the sternum of their guitars. It's to symbolise the growing reproductive sound of their new album. Idiot.

You'll never learn how manoeuvre a threesome at V Festival; a useful life skill [Cosmo] or see Adam Levine naked on the cover of Vogue or realise that it's not your fault you cheated on your partner (it means you're extremely fit and therefore have an unnervingly high amount of oestrogen which made you do it). In fact your partner should be flattered [Marie Claire].

How about the giant billboards featuring the Davids - Gandy and Beckham... Do they have to go as well? Oh brilliant, thanks a bunch...

Let's face it, sex is omni present in 2013's media landscape. For the girls AND for the guys. You cannot ban the sexy stuff for the guys only. Because people, that's sexist.

My show 'Eleanor Conway's Comedy Rumble' is on at Edinburgh Fringe Festival 22.45-23.45, 31st July-26th August 2013. No feminists feature but my airbrushed boobs do.


*The above media examples are in fact taken from the online versions of those magazines, as I couldn't be arsed to go to the Sainsbury's across the road. Sorry.