At only 21 years old, Billie Eilish is still finding herself.
In a Variety interview published on Monday, the young singer spoke about having to grow up in the public eye due to her skyrocketing career.
“It turns out that I’m young, and I have a whole life of shit I can do,” she told the outlet for its Power of Women issue. “Maybe because my life became so adult very young, I forgot that I was still that young. I settled in a lot of ways: I lived my life as if I were in my 70s.”
She continued: “I realised recently that I don’t need to do that.”
Eilish also candidly addressed her difficulties with relating to other women.
“I’ve never really felt like I could relate to girls very well,” she told Variety. “I love them so much. I love them as people. ... I’m physically attracted to them. But I’m also so intimidated by them and their beauty and their presence.”
The star said that despite identifying as “she/her,” she’s “never felt like a woman” and “never felt feminine.”
“I have to convince myself that I’m, like, a pretty girl,” she told Variety.
Eilish previously hinted at some potential reasons for this back in May.
“I spent the first 5 years of my career getting absolutely OBLITERATED by you fools for being boy ish and dressing how i did & constantly being told i’d be hotter if i acted like a woman,” she wrote to her Instagram followers at the time.
Eilish had become SoundCloud famous overnight in 2015. She signed with Interscope Records soon after, and became the first artist born in the 2000s to conquer the Billboard 200 chart. In 2022, she won an Oscar for the James Bond theme song No Time To Die.
The singer also worked with filmmaker Greta Gerwig for the soundtrack to 2023′s “Barbie,” recording the Grammy-nominated tune What Was I Made For? The track exploded on TikTok, with many women using the song to score their own home movies.
While it’s been rewarding to help “women around the world” connect like this, Eilish also told Variety that womanhood is like “war, forever.” She suggested that gendered expectations remain unjust, particularly when it comes to body-shaming.
“Nobody ever says a thing about men’s bodies,” she told the outlet. “If you’re muscular, cool. If you’re not, cool. If you’re rail thin, cool. If you have a dad bod, cool. If you’re pudgy, love it! Everybody’s happy with it.”
She continued: “You know why? Because girls are nice. They don’t give a fuck because we see people for who they are!”