My favourite moments are the moments when time comes to a halt. My thoughts leave my innermost being and my senses take over in an epic ritual of inspiration; where my nerves and keyboard diffuse and simply release ecstasy. It is in those moments when I don't feel insecure and doubt the reason for my existence, but where I can rather just be.
The reality is that those moments, the moments of pure release, are few and far in between.
I've written extensively, well as extensive as a 21-year-old can possibly write, about the need to breath. A gruelling SRC year at Stellenbosch University, of 5-hour sleep cycles, left me feeling drained and on the verge of self-destruct. Life was lived only for the next few hours, because thinking further ahead was a worry that just couldn't be endured.
I was a robot going through the motions, but as I'd quickly learned (after being rushed to the hospital following a panic attack) humans are not created as emotionless beings. We are created with a creative (emotional) urge as a means to be vulnerable and express our own humanity. Without it, we lose touch with ourselves and loose that sense of purpose that we all so desperately seek.
Well, this is fact for me at least.
So tonight, I sit down again, not to please the masses with some proud thought of ingenuity, but rather as someone just embracing their internal need.
I lost sight of this fact the past few weeks. As I howled into my new job as an editorial intern for News24, I got lost in work and the fantasy of adulthood. I neglected those few hours which I had sat aside to breath and thought it best to utilise them as rest time instead. I grew tired once more, not a physical tiredness but rather an emotional drain.
And it took someone on the 13 floor of the 22-story Media24 building to remind me once more what I need. With a twinkle in her eye she shared with me about her desire to make music while smiling non-stop. Her way of breathing while being a marketing manager was to embrace a few hours of making music each week. In those few hours, unscripted and for no audience, she could just be.
So tonight, I sit down again, not to please the masses with some proud thought of ingenuity, but rather as someone just embracing their internal need. Someone desiring to stay in touch with that original feeling of ecstasy.
And while my favourite moment of creative inspiration is few and far in between... Now, in this moment, I am at least creating an environment in preparation of the next release.