Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy.
Scroll down to read the latest batch.
Me: good night, sweetheart. You’re so strong and brave and beautiful.
— Marissa 💚💛 (@michimama75) March 15, 2023
6, whispering to herself: those are all facts,
Me: It’s time to get dressed for school
— Paul Palmeri (@ThisPaul) March 15, 2023
3 year old: Ok I just have to do something first.
The Something: pic.twitter.com/0BKHdJENXA
funny to think how much i limit the sugar in my kids diets when my lifeblood growing up was kool aid
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) March 11, 2023
"It's PI DAY and I'm supposed to bring a pie to class," my 8yo announces as we're headed out the door running late to school.
— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) March 14, 2023
Just no.
My wife banned iPads from my kids so my sweet angels stood in the hallway where they thought I couldn’t hear and whispered “Let’s ask dad because he always let us and then we can blame him when mommy asks”.
— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) March 13, 2023
why are kids? pic.twitter.com/T1dKdIyEv3
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) March 16, 2023
When people ask me if my twins are natural I say no they’re robots.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) March 15, 2023
Me: [practicing “Cat’s in the Cradle” on guitar]
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) March 16, 2023
Son: Hey, dad-
Me: NOT NOW
My seven year old was watching the snowfall and said, snow is just cloud poop
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) March 16, 2023
I’ll never be able to make snow angels again
I love my in laws but sometimes it’s hard with the language barrier, like today they said they were taking the kids all day and I thought they meant they were taking the kids all day
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) March 15, 2023
My kid asked if I noticed anything different about them. When I said no, they were appalled by my answer. Apparently, I had failed to consider I might have been speaking to their clone.
— Jacana Mommy (@jacanamommy) March 17, 2023
Tonight we let my 8 year old play the banker in electronic Monopoly & she accidentally transferred herself 250 million dollars instead of $250,000 & when the error was discovered, she just laughed maniacally. We may need to work on this.
— NurseKelsey (she/her) 🌈✨🎉❤️🏳️🌈 (@nursekelsey) March 15, 2023
Was driving the other day and heard my daughter whisper “mom he’s staring at you” so, very alarmed, I looked at the car next to me.
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) March 14, 2023
It was a dog. A dog was staring at me.
my daughter announced yesterday that she’d like to be a demon when she dies “because she thinks she’d like the work”
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) March 10, 2023
My 5yo asked if he was allowed to get tattoos at daycare for St Patrick’s Day and I said yes because he assured me that his tattoos won’t be “drilled in” like the ones mommy has
— Kevin The Dad (@kevinthedad) March 14, 2023
Sometimes I look at my 13yo daughter and marvel at how smart she is, how beautiful she’s getting, and how the hell she wakes up after sleeping for 10 hours without having to immediately run to the bathroom and pee.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) March 13, 2023
I told my kids to go to bed so naturally they are performing a musical.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) March 14, 2023
My kid just told me he needs to take 120 of something to school tomorrow, so his choices are cheerios or my tears
— meghan (@deloisivete) March 16, 2023
Things your kids wait till grandma is around before saying :
— Friney ☕️🌷 (@dimplesticks) March 13, 2023
9yo : Chickens cluck so they should be called cluckers…and some of them are mothers so we could call them mothercl-
Me: NOOOOO!
"UGH WHAT IS THAT AWFUL SMELL?!" my 6yo yells as she walks into the kitchen.
— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) March 15, 2023
My cooking. The smell was my cooking.
I’m in that magical stage of parenting where I don’t need to change diapers or carry baby gear but I also don’t have to deal with teenage problems yet and my kids still think I’m smart and funny…how do I stay here???
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) March 13, 2023
Me: I thought you were going to clean your room today.
— McDad (@mcdadstuff) March 12, 2023
Daughter: My body didn’t allow it.
Found out that for my daughter’s seven years on this planet she thought we celebrate this guy on St. Patrick’s Day pic.twitter.com/UmK4yNtoW0
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) March 17, 2023
Our former nanny is pregnant and while I’m happy for her I’m mostly just relieved that my kids didn’t ruin her desire to be a parent
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) March 12, 2023