If you’ve ever spoken to a toddler, you’ll know the outcome of such a conversation can go one of a million different ways.
From intense, shouty exchanges to hilarious revelations or just downright embarrassing proclamations (“Daddy’s got a big bagina!!”), thankfully the wonderful parents of the internet have been more than willing to share their – occasionally cringe-worthy – toddler exchanges for the greater good.
Here are some of the best ones shared on X, formerly Twitter.
1.
Parents: have you done a a poo? Do you need your nappy changed?
— Grace (@graceyldn) October 28, 2023
Toddlers: no.
Also toddlers: pic.twitter.com/6p8DHIXQmo
2.
Me to my husband: "Don't worry, he's only 2, he'll forget about wanting ice cream for dinner if we don't bring it up."
— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) August 24, 2023
My 2yo: "Behold, mother, there is the exact space Grandma parked in when she drove me to this playground 3 weeks ago; I was clad in my green Stegosaurus shirt"
3.
2-year-old (holding out hand palm up): This is my robot button.
— Gretchen Felker-Martin (@scumbelievable) October 28, 2023
Me: Oh wow.
2yo: Press it!
Me: Okay. (Presses palm)
2yo: No, I don't want to be a robot right now.
Me: Oh! Okay. Thank you for letting me know.
2yo (lifting other hand): this is my 'I Like to Move It, Move It' button
4.
I asked my 2yo if he was ready to get in the car to go to the park and he shrieked, “NO!!!!!!!!!!!!” then he paused and thoughtfully said, “Well. Yes, and no.”
— emily (@emilykmay) October 1, 2023
5.
My 5yo just walked into the dark nursery while I am rocking the 2yo to sleep. He has a smile on his face.
— Rev Sarah (@RevSarahLocke) September 20, 2023
“Will you put this in your pocket?”
I take it, horrified to feel that it is not solid. I whisper-shout my concern:
“What is it?!?”
“Fine. Nevermind.” He resigns.
6.
I was reading my 2yo a book about a duck that’s a knock-off of “is your mama a llama” and I sneakily skipped some of the pages which caused him to yell at the end “WHAT ABOUT THE PELICAN??? THE GOOSE??? THE PENGUIN???”
— emily (@emilykmay) September 8, 2023
7.
You may not think I am a woman of great strength of character, but I told my 2yo last night that he couldn't have any more cookies, and he looked me in the eye, bent down and LICKED a cookie on the serving plate in an act of claim-staking defilement and I DID NOT LAUGH
— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) August 27, 2023
8.
Me to my 2yo:
— 👻 Justin (Spooky Version) 🎃 (@JustinDGentry) August 26, 2023
Hey buddy can you eat your mac and cheese?
No.
Can you eat your broccoli?
No I’m drinking my dinosaur lemonade.
Ok…can you eat your dinosaur mac and cheese?
Sure!
What about your dinosaur broccoli?
Roar! Yummy!
I’m a parenting genius.
9.
When my 2yo doesn’t want to talk anymore, she ends the conversation with “happy birthday” and walks away waving bye.
— Princess (@themultiplemom) May 8, 2023
10.
Me: no more stuffed animals we have too many
— kelly andrew (@KayAyDrew) May 5, 2023
2yo: can I have this little bummyherd (hummingbird)
Me: oh my god that’s so cute of course you can
11.
Whenever I ask my 2yo how he slept, he says, “in bed, eyes closed.” And you know what? He’s not wrong.
— Mumnipotent Ruler (@MumOfTw0) February 16, 2023
12.
Me before kids: I’m not going to dress my kids in “kid” clothes, they’re going to look cute!!
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) January 16, 2023
Me to my sobbing 2yo: Can you please just tell me WHICH monster truck shirt you want to wear????
13.
My 3yo: Why do we have to go to other houses for candy? Why can’t we just keep this bowl we have and just watch TV?
— The Dad (@thedad) October 28, 2023
Me: Yeah... why 𝘤𝘢𝘯'𝘵 we???
14.
Have learned that my fully potty trained 3yo has been telling her teacher every day that she’s had an accident so that she can change out of her uniform and into her (non-uniform) backup clothes. She’s outsmarted us all. She’s a little velociraptor.
— Stephanie Insley Hershinow (@S_Insley_H) October 20, 2023
15.
Currently, our only Halloween decor is a pair of homemade jack-o-lanterns.
— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) October 18, 2023
We walked past a neighbor's yard, decked for the holiday, and I said, "Look at the cute little ghost!"
"I wike that," my 3yo said cheerfully. "And I wike the wittle ghost we have at our house, too."
💀
16.
Obsessed with the stage where preschoolers can talk really well but haven’t figured out what words are commonly used in conversation by kids, right now my 3yo keeps using “certainly” in every sentence like “I certainly do love gummy bears”
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) October 31, 2023
17.
Me (tenderly smoothing my 3yo's hair off his forehead): "Did you know that I love you with all my heart?"
— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) October 10, 2023
3yo (chowing down on lunch with great ferocity): "IF I DO NOT EAT MINE BANANA, A MONKEY WILL TUM AND DOBBLE IT ALL UP"
18.
To whom it may concern:
— Briana Cap • ON STRIKE (@BrianaCap) September 7, 2023
When my 3yo says, “Mama works on the street,” please understand she is referring to PICKETING.
✊🏽 🪧 👀
19.
I could take my toddler to outer space and he still would not stop talking about the trip we took to Home Depot two weeks ago when saw a concrete mixer.
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) March 6, 2022
20.
My toddler now just likes me to tell her stories while she sits on the pot pooping. "I think you're done now." She screams, "NO! I AM NOT! I AM IN THE MIDDLE! KEEP TALKING!"
— Felicia Day🇺🇸 (@feliciaday) April 27, 2020
21.
Overheard my wife giving the toddler a talking-to and the only words I could make out were "Do you want to live in a poop house? *I* don't want to live in a poop house" and I am definitely not getting up to see what the ruckus is about.
— Christopher Ingraham🦗 (@_cingraham) April 16, 2020
22.
Best toddler modes:
— Helen Rosner (@hels) October 22, 2019
3. Being extremely solemn about ridiculous things
2. Saying mild swears with great sincerity
1. Running away shouting “I need my privacy!” if a parent asks if the reason the toddler is crouching behind the sofa is because they’re pooing in their diaper
23.
Slightly embarrassing bus journey with my toddler during rush hour with him repeatedly shouting “you silly pussy” at me.
— Jessie Cave (@jessiecave) February 27, 2018
24.
The toddler took off his pants, opened the patio door, and threw them outside shouting “no!”
— Eric Smith (@ericsmithrocks) January 12, 2021
May we all live this boldly.
25.
My toddler has taken to shouting “Daddy’s got a big bagina” in public so how’s your weekend going.
— Stig Abell (@StigAbell) October 17, 2020
26.
My toddler has picked up an oddly charming habit of just randomly shouting ‘NOT TODAY!’ in the middle of the street
— Caroline Bird (@CarolineBirdUK) December 23, 2021
27.
My friend and I discussing what seafood we like:
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) October 12, 2023
Me: I don't like lobster or crab
My 3yo, trying to be part of the conversation but has never had shellfish in his life: I don't like...starfish.