I only discovered the word colourism a few years ago, I learnt about it on the internet. However, I had already known what it was very early on in my life. There was just never a name I could attach to the feeling of being judged because my skin colour was too dark for people to accept.
In my first week of grade one, my peer refused to hold my hand during the singing of "Ring-a-Rosies" because my skin was "dark and gross". He also said that if he touched me he'd be dirty as well. In that moment, my heart sank and I was overcome by a wave of embarrassment. I couldn't understand why anyone would want to hurt me like that and why he found my skin so offensive.
This was one of the many traumas I experienced growing up as a dark-skinned girl. Society constantly sends you messages in the form of micro-aggressions. Subliminal messages from the media keep telling you that you aren't good enough and will never be beautiful. Every day was a fight to prove that I wasn't any less. That I could also be beautiful even if I didn't have fairer skin.
Naomi Campbell became such an important figure to me because she seemed to be able to prove everyone wrong. She looked like me but still made it into beauty and fashion magazines. She was considered beautiful despite her skin colour; my seven-year-old self found immense power in that. She was my personal heroine and I was determined to be like her as well, beautiful.
I've met so many beautiful dark girls who couldn't place any value on themselves because of how society deems dark to be ugly.
But I couldn't speak about how colourism affected me because not everyone understands it or they are too quick to dismiss its existence. Any time I brought up the prejudice I experienced from other black kids (or white kids who mimicked the black kids) I was told I was being ridiculous and there was no such thing; "Black people can't discriminate against other black people for being black".
When I came across my first copy of Toni Morrison's literature it felt like a reassuring hug from God herself. Her first novel, The Bluest Eye, changed my life because it confirmed that I wasn't crazy or stupid. The novel follows the story of a little girl whose only wish in life is to have blonde hair and blue eyes because maybe then she would feel loved. Morrison's book gave me validation. That was when I accepted that colourism is real and I endeavoured to do everything to fight it.
I've met so many beautiful dark girls who couldn't place any value on themselves because society deems dark to be ugly. They believed they weren't worthy when hip-hop lyrics shamed them and praised "yellow-bone" women, or when kwaito star Mshoza bleached her skin to feel more beautiful. I've heard girls compare themselves to gorillas because of the shade of their skin and those moments hurt because I know they've internalised society's prejudice.
I came out okay, because I grew a tough skin. My whole family is dark and the only prejudice I felt was outside the house. I always knew I was worthy because my mother taught me to love my skin and love myself. I struggled at first, but I found my footing in society and validated myself. I have Toni Morrison and Naomi Campbell to thank for guiding me. In my own way, I want to do the same for other girls.
The package on colourism that Huffington Post South Africa is publishing today came from a conversation in the office as we were getting ready to launch: "Guys, we should do a video on all the ridiculous things dark-skinned women hear all the time." The choruses of "Yes!" and the stream of anecdotes – funny and awful – showed that this was an untapped well of stories waiting to be told in South Africa. We are aware that colourism exists but we're still likely to joke about "yellow bones" with the rest of our friends. Conversations about why every aspect of this culture is problematic is silenced with: "But skin lightening is a personal choice". Except that it isn't. In our series of stories we show the harmful effects of this obsession in our society – from a personal, social and economic point of view. We look at how illegal creams are still sold and how upmarket legal alternatives are still questionable. We look into small communities, like Indians in South Africa, where colourism still thrives, and talk to celebrities about why they lightened their skin. Because as a dark-skinned woman myself, I'm ready for change, and so is our society. -- Verashni Pillay, Editor-in-Chief
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