I’ve Told My Parents That They Have To Get Their Noses Pierced To See My Child, Am I Wrong?

"I said that we were not going to change our minds. They started getting everyone including my grandmother to call me and say I was being ridiculous."

It’s not uncommon for parents and grandparents to disagree but for Reddit user /r/New_Army_5718 who posted to the /AmITheAsshole subreddit, a recent disagreement was more than just a petty spat. In fact, it’s all together a little weird.

So, it starts with the child’s grandparents buying her earrings. She’s 1 year old and doesn’t have her ears pierced but that’s okay, it’s not like earrings are perishable, right?

This was the mindset of the parent who said: “I told them that I would save them for her until she was old enough to get her ears pierced.”

Yes. Perfect. A special gift to save for a later date. A classic of the “buying for babies” genre.

Apparently not, though.

Her grandparents went behind her parent’s backs

Instead of simply letting the parents decide when the child’s ears would be pierced, the grandparents chose to take the infant to get her ears pierced while they were babysitting.

Unsurprisingly, it didn’t go down well.

The poster said: “I got my daughter and I dragged my husband out of there before he lost his shit. We went back to our hotel.”

The family had been visiting their parents in Mexico for a short break but the poster revealed that this was now off, saying: “I am furious. My husband said that my parents are not allowed to spend time alone with my daughter ever again. I went farther. I said that I would not be bringing her, or any other kids we might have, down here to see my parents. We checked out three days early and went home.”


The couple chose to go home and let themselves calm down before confronting the grandparents. I mean, fair. Where do you even begin with this?

Eventually they called: “I finally called them. I asked them not to speak until I was done talking. I told them that my husband and I are upset with them for getting our baby’s ears pierced without our permission. I told them that we went back home and probably wouldn’t be visiting for a while.”

The grandparents responded that the poster and their sister had their ears pierced as babies and turned out fine, which, again, did not go down all that well: “I said that we were not going to change our minds. They started getting everyone including my grandmother to call me and say I was being ridiculous.”


Eventually, though, the couple came to a compromise for the grandparents and it was... a little outlandish.

The poster explained: “I talked with my husband and we came up with a compromise. We agreed that we would resume visits, but not alone time, with them if they both got their noses pierced.”

The grandparents declined (shocked!) and as a result, they were hung up on and everyone who tried to dissuade the couple were blocked.


Were the couple in the right?

The top rated comment from pizzadotgov thinks they were. They said: ”They were willing to do (semi)permanent* damage to your baby directly against your wishes just because they want to decorate the baby. It displays a lack of respect for you and for your child. Their aesthetic wants are more important than the grandchild’s feelings. And if you think about it for more than five seconds, “I did this unnecessary thing to a baby before they were old enough to say No” is a terrible way to treat a person.”

However, other commenters pointed out that there was a cultural difference here as the grandparents and poster themselves are Mexican. One said: “You’re Mexican. So to your parents this is ridiculous. You already knew that though. If this is something you’re willing to cut your parents out over then go for it. Don’t offer dumbass ultimatums. That just makes you sound dumb and immature. This is your kid and you get to keep her away from your parents for any reason that you want. If you feel comfortable doing that, that’s on you.”

Another said that they don’t believe the poster is an asshole but, “I understand this is likely a cultural expectation + generational thing. As in, they likely assumed it would be no big deal. This happened to my mom/brother.

“She took him down to see family, and my aunt buzzed off and shaved his head while my mom was out after she had asked they not cut it. They fought, my mom was angry, and eventually made up and continued their relationship.”

As for what I think? Well, parents words are final, right?