I describe myself as the country’s highest-earning worker in the world’s oldest profession, by which I mean I make more than any other sex worker at any legal brothel in the U.S.
Cue the raised eyebrows, contemptuous stares and not-so-subtle judgment. Bring on the intense curiosity, too ― because I am a novelty. Everyone has their preconceived notions of what a sex worker looks, sounds and acts like, but I don’t fit any of those stereotypes. I’m a petite Irish lady standing just 4 feet, 8 inches tall. I’m well-educated and well-spoken. I’m not the victim of tragic circumstance. I had options and I chose to be a legal sex worker. Yes, on purpose! Despite sex work being so highly stigmatized, I love my job because I get to help people rediscover personal connections and intimacy.
I didn’t grow up wanting to be a lady of the night. I tried many different career paths — including a brief stint as a horse jockey! — but I struggled to find work that combined my love for human interaction with something that made me feel passion. Nothing ever felt as fulfilling as working in a legal brothel. It fits me perfectly.
As a sapiosexual, I learned early on that I am attracted to the minds of the people I’m around with no concern for their physical bodies. I feel no shame about my sexuality, trying new things or being attracted to more than one person at a time. It also helps that I am able to sexually enjoy multiple relationships at once. So three years ago I went to the world-famous Moonlite Bunny Ranch (Cathouse on HBO, anyone?) just outside Carson City, Nevada. At first, I only planned to stay for a couple of months. I never left.
“Despite sex work being so highly stigmatized, I love my job because I get to help people rediscover personal connections and intimacy.”
Legal brothels in Nevada have their own vocabulary. Folks can come in, see a lineup and have a brothel party. Some courtesans, like myself, are only available by appointment. All ladies work as independent contractors, which means we’re able to choose which services to offer, set our own rates and say no at any time for any reason. According to Nevada law, it is only legal to agree upon activities and prices in person. The brothel then handles all payments and takes 50% of whatever we book.
Due to the demands on my schedule, my bookings typically start around $2,000. It might surprise you to know that I work an average of 60 to 80 hours per week; this is because I’m also a sex educator. I write sexual education articles, post sex toy reviews on my YouTube channel, publish an intimacy podcast and more.
Why do I keep so busy? Based on the three years that I’ve been doing this work, I believe Americans are facing an intimacy crisis, and I believe loneliness to be America’s fastest-growing public health epidemic. Research shows that loneliness can be as detrimental to your health as smoking 15 cigarettes per day. It’s tearing apart our social fabric. People rarely spend time nurturing and fostering intimacy in their relationships. Even as our digitised world lets us connect through the click of a button, our human bodies and minds still crave human touch. It’s so essential that being deprived of it can stunt healthy emotional, mental and spiritual growth.
Imagine that you are an adult dealing with the crushing social shame of virginity. Or recovering from the devastating loss of a longtime spouse. Or learning how to deal with a medical condition or disability like erectile dysfunction, breast cancer or the loss of a limb. I specialise in therapeutic sexual services that can help build sexual confidence, provide an opportunity to practice building connections and teach sexual techniques to work around physical limitations. If you’re a man terrified of talking to women, it can be intimidating to get out there. Wouldn’t it be nice to have a dinner date with a girl whom you can not only be romantic with but also ask for dating pointers to boost your confidence? Having someone on your side, cheering you on, can make a big difference.
“Based on the three years that I’ve been doing this work, I believe Americans are facing an intimacy crisis, and I believe loneliness to be America’s fastest-growing public health epidemic.”
While I offer these individual services, I’m considered an expert at couples’ encounters. In my teen years, I witnessed my parents’ marriage falling apart. As they were entangled in their divorce, my family was torn up and I felt helpless. I struggled to understand it back then, but as I grew older, it dawned on me that their divorce was due, in huge part, to a lack of intimacy and romance.
Spouses in America commonly work eight- to nine-hour days, each waking up to their own blaring alarms, jumping out of bed and rushing out the door. They’re buried behind their screens rather than having face-to-face conversations. This was part of what made my own parents’ marriage deteriorate — a simple lack of genuine communication and connection. I’ve since used their example as a source of empowerment for other couples struggling with similar issues.
Couples frequently seek my services to rediscover intimacy, improve bedroom communication, explore safely and fulfil fantasies. I believe seeing a legal sex worker when your relationship needs fine-tuning is just the same as going to a mechanic when your car needs repairs. I love working with couples because of the special chemistry that already exists between them. It challenges me to see where I can fit into their equation and work around their dynamic to help enhance it. It gives me pleasure to know that they have entrusted me with one another and have honoured me with the privilege of helping them improve their relationship.
However, consent between partners must be clearly established before we do anything. It means that the parties have mutually agreed, and are equally invested, in the process. This creates a safe space to work through intimacy issues where partners can avoid jealousy and other conflicting feelings. Many find relief in knowing that a legal sex worker will not try to “steal” their spouse. (Just like a child care provider returns your child every day, legal sex workers have no intent or desire to “keep” your spouse!) The kinds of interactions that will occur are negotiated ahead of time. There is total transparency with set limits and boundaries. People have the freedom to explore in a comfortable, safe and controlled environment.
“I believe seeing a legal sex worker when your relationship needs fine-tuning is just the same as going to a mechanic when your car needs repairs.”
When working with couples, I talk about sex in ways that they may never have done with each other. We address uncomfortable topics and face tough questions. Is each partner getting their sexual needs met and, if not, how can those needs be met? What are their deepest fantasies? What positions feel best? It’s about helping couples find answers to what is missing. The goal is to build new communication skills that can be used to improve the quality of their relationship.
I also teach techniques for better sex. Many couples use my services to learn about new positions, how to employ different sex toys, how to work around height and other body differences, and more. One of my key objectives is to help people learn how to better please themselves and their partners.
A common fantasy among married couples is the threesome experience, but few actually pursue it, often out of fear. Likewise, many couples are interested in kink and BDSM but don’t attempt it because they lack the knowledge, tools and expertise. This kind of experimentation can have high stakes — a negative experience may diminish a partner’s willingness to explore. Legal sex workers can take the fear out of trying new things. Having an expert like me show you how to engage in flogging, spanking, roping, role-play, domination and more can bring a new thrill to your sex life.
I also teach the best practices to prevent cross-contamination and handle the technical side of things so you can focus on what’s important. Similar to professionals in many other fields of work, legal sex workers follow protocols to ensure safety and hygiene. We get tested regularly for sexually transmitted diseases to ensure that no one is put at risk.
Some couples simply want to receive a completely sex-free, education-focused service. Let’s face it: America’s sex ed system leaves a lot to be desired. More than half of the states either provide abstinence-only sexual education or don’t teach sex ed at all in public schools. This is where a legal sex worker like me can fill in the gaps.
As a professional, your comfort is always my top priority. My goal is to equip you with the right tools and education to enhance your intimacy. I can be in the room to facilitate mutual pleasure between partners or I can leave the room and return to debrief the encounter after you interact. Either way, enlisting the aid of a professional can help couples gain new perspective on the issues they struggle with.
At the crux of my work is helping couples enhance their own open communication. It’s an area that most struggle with regardless of how long they’ve been together. In my experience, the couples who are unable to communicate openly are at greatest risk of being “wrecked.” If a marriage is on the rocks, both people need to be willing to ask for help and to put in the work. Even the suggestion of seeing a legal sex worker can help a couple embark on that communication journey toward greater intimacy and meeting each other’s sexual needs.
Some find meeting with a legal sex worker difficult and scary while others are anxiously excited. Regardless, it’s my job to support and enhance healthy, open communication. It’s the foundation for the positive change that can help to save a troubled marriage or improve one that is already thriving. I chose this profession because I wanted to help people connect in meaningful ways. I stayed because I love changing the world’s intimacy habits, one person at a time.
This blog first appeared on HuffPost Personal, and can be read here