Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Although Twitter has rebranded to X, the humour lives on.
Every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on the social media platform to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents for more!
My 6yo is chanting all the words that rhyme with sucker and this is going to end badly in about 3 seconds
— meghan (@deloisivete) February 29, 2024
When I was growing up, water was the only approved drink between meals.
— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) February 25, 2024
Yesterday my son asked for milk after playing outside at my parents' and my dad poured his grandson a giant cup of CHOCOLATE milk.
🧐
IT WAS NOT EVEN ANYONE'S BIRTHDAY OR ANYTHING.
Apparently my 9yo daughter's imaginary friend is the ghost of an 8yo girl named Rose who died of the bubonic plague 200 years ago and I’m sure this is a completely normal developmental stage........
— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) February 24, 2024
Sorry kids I missed your childhood, I was busy trying to catch up on emails from your school
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) February 29, 2024
I was going through an old keepsakes box of mine and found a 4 colored pen. I asked my 6 year old if she’d like to have the cool pen I used when I was a kid. Her eyes lit up, then I gave it to her and she frowned. “Oh, I thought it was going to be one of those feathers,” she said
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) February 27, 2024
“Do you think in heaven you can pee anywhere you want?” My daughter, asking the big questions
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) February 26, 2024
Be warned that if you buy your 5 year old a watch, you are going to get minute by minute updates on what the current time is
— Average Dad (@Average_Dad1) February 27, 2024
Forgot about the 12-20 months stage of having a baby where your house is just littered with random objects they picked up, carried around, and dropped for no reason like you live inside a claw machine.
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) February 29, 2024
I forgot to tell my 4yo that today is Leap Day before she left for school and squandered an opportunity to make a big deal out of nothing
— The Mom Hack (@TheMomHack) February 29, 2024
Young children sneeze with the intent of destroying the world
— Trey (@treydayway) February 27, 2024
I called to my son from another room and he yelled “just text me” and that’s all you need to know about parenting teens.
— Mommy Needs A Life (@mom_needsalife) February 27, 2024
My daughter asked if babies come from Walmart and I was like pretty much.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) February 27, 2024
Me: “Come here” is spelled C-O-M-E not C-U-M
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) February 27, 2024
My kid: Does it really matter how I spell it?
Me: Yes!
11yo: Do you know where my sunglasses are?
— krista pacion (@kristabellerina) February 28, 2024
Me: The car?
11yo: No, I looked.
Two days later, while driving my kid to school.
11yo: My sunglasses!
My kids are playing doctor’s office and the receptionist just said, “the doctor will see you in five seconds” and this is the least realistic game I’ve ever seen.
— Courtney Ellis 🎈 (@courtneyellis) February 24, 2024
The aggressiveness of my teenager sitting down on the couch is equal to him being dropped on it from 4,000 feet in the air. Like why.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) February 25, 2024
just an update my kids are on their 99th cold this winter
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) February 27, 2024
“I like mommy’s car better”
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) February 29, 2024
-My daughter in the backseat of my truck having to use a Home Depot receipt to wipe her nose.
Parents: If you ever need a reminder about the power of peer pressure, my 13 year-old son went from never eating vegetables to now eating literal dried seaweed because his friend told them all that seaweed will help grow a moustache.
— 🍁Graham Kritzer (@GrahamKritzer) February 28, 2024
My teen thinks staring at me while I cook dinner will make it go faster
— McDad (@mcdadstuff) February 28, 2024
We got a notification from daycare that our 4 year old bit a kid yesterday. We were shocked and didn’t believe it until a couple minutes later when we got a notification that our 2 year old was bitten by kid. Brotherly love at its finest right there!
— Dadof2Boys (@Dadof2crazyboys) February 27, 2024