Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Although Twitter has rebranded to X, the humour lives on.
Every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on the social media platform to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents for more!
Filled out the paperwork for my daughter’s 1st passport and under “employment” was told to write “unemployed baby”
— Madelaine Lucas (@madelaine_lucas) January 23, 2024
My daughter forgot her Stanley at home today. Please pray for her hydration as she braves the barren water fountain lined halls of middle school without it.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) January 23, 2024
Another mom at preschool dropoff was like "you look so grown up!" and was like "Me? Thanks, I just straightened my hair today" and she was like "No...I was talking to your son" and now I guess I can never go back to preschool pickup ever again.
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) January 24, 2024
My 7yo: Mom, were you alive in the one-thousands?
— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) January 21, 2024
Me: What?
7yo: The ONE-THOUSANDS
Me: *dawning realization* Yes…..yes I was born in the one-thousands. In the 1980’s.
7yo: WHOA 🤯
My little girl has named one of her stuffed animals "Jazz Monkey." I asked her if she knew what jazz was. she said "Sure! It's when you go skibbedy-bop, skiddeby-bop." I told her you are absolutely right
— Schmrrrrrlex (@alexlumaga) January 24, 2024
I asked my 14yo what an expression she used meant, and she started to tell me but then stopped and exasperatedly said “Ugh, this is like explaining the world to a Pilgrim”
— SpacedMom (@copymama) January 25, 2024
On this frigid and snowy day I am thinking about how, on bad-weather days when I was a child, my dad would sometimes take us kids out to a local museum or to walk around a mall, and how back then I would feel bad for my mom who was home all alone without her 5 loud children. 😆
— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) January 20, 2024
One thing about parenthood that nobody prepared me for was how stressed I’d get watching my kid mix two freshly opened cans of Play Doh together.
— Mediocre Mom (@MediocreMamaa) January 25, 2024
my sister-in-law: I think I would love being a dog.
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) January 23, 2024
my 9yo, whispering to me: you should tell her our dog spends all day licking his butt.
7: are eggs vegetables?
— That Mom Tho 🐦 (@mom_tho) January 22, 2024
10: no! and they’re not fruit either, they’re children!
When my son was a newborn we went out to dinner and a woman stopped at our table all excited and said “I wasn’t going to have kids because I didn’t think I’d be able to go out, but you guys are out WITH your baby! So maybe I will!” and I sure hope she gave that some more thought.
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) January 22, 2024
A step-by-step guide to helping me in the kitchen:
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) January 25, 2024
1. Leave the kitchen
Having kids involved in sports is fun, if you like coming home & eating dinner at 10pm.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) January 22, 2024
Child [petting the dog]: When animals die do their spirits stay with us?
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) January 25, 2024
Me: I’d like to think so.
Child: So that means right now we could be surrounded by spider ghosts.
Me: JESUS CHRIST
Picking an easy hike because of the kids*
— meghan (@deloisivete) January 20, 2024
*me
Our 6 y/o daughter has asked for “just some extra sleep” for her birthday.
— Adam. (@YSylon) January 25, 2024
They grow up so fast.
dinner every night with my kids is like being a contestant on the iron chef. we bring the plates of food to 3 picky judges and they pick it apart with their words and forks for the next 20 minutes.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) January 23, 2024
My newborn has the nerve to act like he’s starving after spitting up the entirety of his stomach contents on my clean sweater
— Mommeh Dearest (@mommeh_dearest) January 23, 2024
My mom: your kid needs to eat more fruit
— Tada (@krystaunclear) January 24, 2024
Also my mom: fruit has too much sugar
I woke up and went back to sleep, I woke up again then went back to sleep, then I woke up and went back to sleep, I woke up again then went back to sleep, and then I woke up again and went back to sleep, and I woke up again and now I can’t sleep.
— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) January 24, 2024
- My 6yo at 3:53 AM
“Is it better or worse than French fries?”, my kid, keeping impossibly high taste standards for new food.
— 🧣Mad Hatter Mommy!!!❄️ (@MadHatterMommy) January 24, 2024
My favorite part about talking to my teens is when they give me direct eye contact, listen intently, nod understandingly and then take out their AirPods when I finish and say, huh?
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) January 24, 2024