The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Nov. 25 - Dec.1)

My 4-year-old said she’s scared to become a grown up because she “doesn’t know how to do the gas station.” She has no idea how real she’s being right now

— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) November 28, 2023

6yo: was I born naked?

Me: yeah

6yo: sorry about that

— Emily Adrian (@adremily) November 28, 2023

I love that my son is the same annoying as me so we can annoy his dad together. It's how we bond.

— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) November 25, 2023

My kid has taken to only grunting at me and honestly I think this is an improvement

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) November 28, 2023

13-year-old: I need cool clothes.

Me: I think your clothes now are pretty cool.

13: That's the problem

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 29, 2023

My daughter just asked me if my parents are still alive, so I had to explain (again) that the lady that has lived with us since she was born, known to her as Mimi, is in fact my mother. She was like pic.twitter.com/Rp9B8t1qA3

— mRNA Youngboy (@_kenNObarbie_) November 29, 2023

My kid hasn’t finished her homework but she did call a family meeting to show us the 20 slide presentation she created on why we should get a cat.

— krista pacion (@kristabellerina) November 26, 2023

My kids no longer believe in Santa. Tell me, what am I supposed to threaten them with now? Who am I supposed to imaginary call in a crisis??

— That Mom Tho 🐦 (@mom_tho) November 28, 2023

I just told my tooth-brushing 8yo to "move it around some, don't just suck on it" & I didn't even laugh so I'm nailing this parent gig.

— La Femme Fatali (@toomanycommas3) November 29, 2023

Me: sorry I’m late, my toddler made me find his blue socks.
Friend without kids: I don’t believe a 3yo can MAKE you do anything.
Me: 😶

— Mumnipotent Ruler (@MumOfTw0) November 28, 2023

Putting one kid to bed: Bedtime is at 7 PM, no later.

Putting two kids to bed: You can stay up and read for 20 minutes.

Putting three kids to bed: You can watch Cocaine Bear with me as long as you’re quiet.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) November 29, 2023

Asked my 12 y/o daughter how her babysitting business was going and she said it’s tough when some people don’t even charge for their services.

“Grandparents are my biggest competitors.”

— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) November 29, 2023

My daughter very gently told me that she would like to be in charge of Christmas decorations this year instead of me because she’d like our house to look better

— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) November 25, 2023

Cleaning up after young kids means constantly having to guess whether stuff like this is garbage or the single most important possession that your 5-year-old daughter owns at this moment. pic.twitter.com/59VDGGw25V

— McKay Coppins (@mckaycoppins) November 29, 2023

We just got a report that our kid has spent 34,721 minutes listening to one song, in case you were thinking of having kids.

— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) November 29, 2023

Not me once again breaking something in the house that I’ve repeatedly warned my children to be careful with

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) November 30, 2023

My kid’s wish list at age 6: An adorably misspelled handwritten request for toys
My kid’s wish list at age 14: A professionally designed slideshow with links to big-ticket items that ends with the phrase “open your hearts and your wallets”

— SpacedMom (@copymama) November 27, 2023

my son asked for a new hoodie for Christmas, so for convenience and to save time I'm having it shipped directly to his girlfriend's house

— 🌜🤷♂️Dad Moon Rising 🤷♂️🌛 (@raoulvilla) November 25, 2023

We hide all the presents in big boxes marked "VEGETABLES" because we know the kids will never go near them.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) December 1, 2023

There’s only one type of person that buys a child’s drum set, and that person is revenge gifting

— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) November 30, 2023